#26 The Big Easy

Well, tomorrow it is.  Tomorrow I will land in New Orleans.  This is the sort of thing actors with budgets would do prior to a performance...maybe even prior to rehearsals in a historical situation.  They would be paid to visit the location where their play or film takes place long before they were to portray their character.

Two things:  I never expected to be invited to a wedding of a couple that I love in New Orleans nor did I ever expect to be cast in the role of Blanche Dubois.  Both of these events happened within the first two weeks of January, 2011.  Here I am, though, packing and preparing to visit the place where A Streetcar Named Desire takes place.

I did the play with a company that would not be able to fork out the cash to pay the actors, color their hair, much less send them to New Orleans to study the French Quarter.  That's fine with me.  I couldn't have loved playing Blanche any more than I did, honestly.  I only wish I could have played more shows as to discover more truer ways to live her life.

I looked online today, there is indeed a 632 Elysian Fields Avenue.  That is where Tennessee Williams placed the apartment of Stanley and Stella.  It will be a bit of a walk, but I am planning on visiting the site.  Also, I will find time around all the fantastically planned wedding activities to go to Galatoire's for lunch at least.  Galatoire's is the restaurant where Stella takes Blanche on the infamous Poker Night in the play.  I am very excited to know that I can walk on the heels of my character regardless if I no longer need to understand such dynamics that our Mr. Williams intended for his actresses to know.

The wedding is going to be glorious!  I adore the people being married, and I find it fitting to be able to place myself at this rare and wonderful celebration in New Orleans especially now that my portrayal of Blanche has certainly begun it's fading away process from me, the actress.

I sometimes think characters fade away from actors so very quickly so that they can find their next vessel.  I think characters know that the transition must happen fast or they fear they will be left by the wayside.  I can't help trying to keep Blanche just a bit refreshed with me, I know it is selfish; but just for this weekend.  At this point, several weeks after the production, I am surprised at how I can get lost if I try to run a monologue through my mind from the show just for kicks.  Plays are such wonderful, fleeting moments that way.  So beautiful.  No live performance of a play can ever be replaced.  I love that.  Love it.

I found a bed and breakfast in the Quarter that will deem itself perfect.  I have even managed to be lucky enough to find that a friend of mine, a truly gifted and great actor to be closing a show this weekend which I will be able to attend.  How deliciously random!

Sometimes, I believe that luck is certainly not luck but more a positive path that we can--every once in a while, if not often--be able to jump onto for as long as we can hold on to it.  I look at this trip not as a means to an end but more of a beginning to something wonderful.

#25 Unpacking The Trunk

Right now, one week ago, I was walking, talking--living my Blanche.  Tonight, I am sitting at home kind of bummed out.  I had planned on going to see some other friend's shows (which there are plenty of at this time of year).  I decided to just be here to refocus on my life and home.  Tomorrow and Sunday will be a different story entirely.

This past week has gone quickly, and I have tended to sleep as much as possible between obligations.  I found myself watching the entire Twin Peaks series, and I am more than half-way through it.  My husband was randomly watching Fire Walk With Me on Monday.  I dove in.  I haven't really come up since.  Such simple and honest acting, staging, writing....tension, etc.  I love it.  It has been long enough that this rediscovery has been fresh and new.  I can't recommend it more, and it has kept me up late hours.  It is wonderful to watch it all back to back.  It is an amazing and well thought out "film" (if you will--considering the amount of episodes)  that will endure the test of time.

My much-neglected basic life necessities have, once again, come into the light of my vision.  Taxes have been completed, summer camps for my students are being finalized, family visits planned, and social engagements are beginning to joyfully clutter my Spring/Summer calendar.  I even cleaned the counters off in my kitchen with great detail and thoughts of reorganization.  But, as you can probably tell, I am feeling a loss here.

Like you probably understood in my last blog, it is hard sometimes for an actor to lay a character to rest.  If we really enjoy playing a particular character, there is sometimes the secret hope that the show will somehow be extended or other opportunities will come up to play it again.  This is rarely the case, sadly, and I guess it is a rather difficult part of our process.

I have this graveyard in my soul for characters I have played.  There have been so very many over the years.  My years of improvisation have given me tons of wonderful well drawn out characters that have only fleeted for sometimes less than 3 minutes.  I remember them, though.  Not all of them, but the ones who have impacted my life.  It is not a plotted graveyard, just a little bubble in my soul.  I have been thinking about, however, what sort of tombstone my dear Blanche Dubois would receive.  She has been very special to me.  And in an actor's imaginary graveyard, price is no object.  She would be close to the center of it all, I think.  Such power, such beauty, such need for attention. 

I often worry that I may be a handful in my old age and be easily mistaken and drugged for a schizophrenic.  If senility should set in, who knows what character would say what at any given time if my body leaves me to my imagination.  Based on the folks I have played, the range of perspectives is tremendous.  I hope the people who care for me in the case of memory loss will be informed that I am an actress.  Otherwise, great mistakes could be made and I could be sent to court or Jerry Springer for the retribution of some of my more unsavory (yet comedic) stage characters who were more shady and were in need of being found out. 

Back to Blanche:
My posture has improved, I have lost a ton of weight and am eating smaller portions, I am a blonde...I mean, there are some certain aspects, transitions I have made to this particular character that are difficult to consider ever changing back.  I won't probably.  Time will tell.

All this Twin Peaks watching has got me to thinking.  First of all, why on Earth would I find myself watching this series the week after my show closed.  It is very random, isn't it?

Dare I say it?  Blanche had "some" ever-so-positive "Bob" qualities.  She has left me with the memory of living her life--as all characters do, performing her necessary deeds...but she is gone from me now.  Yet, she had to be let go--asked to leave--if not forced out rather than making her own choice to go.  Stanley was eternally correct when he said that "her future is mapped out for her."  I wish she had the strength to make stronger choices, to fight harder...but it is just not in her composition. 

So, I guess I am not finished with My Blanche Dublog.  It is not finished. 

I must tell you that I have friends marrying in New Orleans in May.  I can't wait to let you know of that journey and will post photos.  I will also post photos and perhaps video of the show on here. 

Thank you.  Thank you for reading. 

#24 Goodnight, Lovely Little Lady.

Goodnight, Blanche.

All I have left of you is a flowery handkerchief, a pink dress that has been ripped to pieces, and the memory of walking in your shoes. 

I can now begin to allow your words to slowly fade from my memory.  You can now go back to the beginning of the play with the hope that you possess to rest and breathe easy again.  A new actress will find you there, waiting.

I will miss your voice.  I will miss the way you enjoy articulation to a point of sport.  I will miss seeing the world from your perspective, your intelligence, and your sense of humor.

Thank you for existing. 

What a lovely impact you make on the world, time and time again.  You handle great tragedy with such grace and dignity.  I have truly enjoyed riding your rollercoaster of emotion each night.  Thank you for giving me permission to search my soul for the ability to present you as honestly as I possibly could.

Thank you, Blanche.

Goodnight.




http://youtu.be/nVn3vgBTV80  This is a link to the song, "Goodnight, Lovely Little Lady," performed by Bing Crosby.

#23 All Aboard!

Per the request of my dedicated Director, I have been told to get back to this blog.  Yes, I know, I haven't written since we put the show in front of audiences.  I had intended to write about each performance.  Honestly, I haven't been able to articulate how the shows feel to me.

Including our final dress rehearsal/preview night, we have had nine glorious performances.  This afternoon will mark our last show.  Yes, in just a few hours, I will have to...unBlanche myself.

The performances have been very steady.  We have had no major derailings or delays.  The show is running right on track.  Nearly every performance has been sold out.  That feels nice - even if it is a small theatre that will seat 60 patrons.  We have received many kind words about the production.

There is a scene in the first act where Stanley accuses Blanche of selling the family home in Laurel and keeping all the money.  At the top of that scene, she is "freshly bathed and scented."  During that time, I am in my slip and dressing on the stage (not in the same "room" with Stanley).  I managed to put my dress on backwards one night of opening weekend and had to take the time to turn it around the right way!  The forgiving audience, Stanley, and I shared that moment together.  Then, of course, we moved right on with the scene without feeling odd about it.  I think, strangely enough, it pulled the audience closer to the story.

Another night, I failed to bring on the ever important paper lantern as Stella and Blanche returned from their girl's night out (the night of the poker party).  It is very important that we have the paper lantern, and I didn't realize what I had done until the moment I was to ask Mitch to put it over the light bulb.  I decided in that moment that Blanche had dropped it on the street on the way back...and I went out of the "apartment" and "down the street" off stage to retrieve it from my wonderful stage manager who was there in the wings with the lantern (smiling).  I had friends in the audience who didn't even notice anything was different.  Phew!

We have had some lovely moments together.  The cast.  The crew.  The audiences.  I look forward to being able to begin and finish Blanche's journey once more...in just a few hours.

#22 Tech Tuesday: Crystal Blue Persuasion

Did you hear that sound?  Listen close....  It is the biggest sigh of relief you will have ever heard from me regarding finally getting to where I need to be prior to a show opening. 

The light at the end of the tunnel has shown itself brightly; and here I am, not a moment too soon, ready to bask in all it's glory!  Tonight, Tech Tuesday, of all nights it truly happened for me.  Beginning to end.  Blanche, Blanche, Blanche all the way.  She took over and lived her play just as I had expected.

What a relief!  I can't say that I didn't see it coming.  I am sure it wasn't perfect.  But tonight, the world's worst critic regarding me and Blanche (myself) fell silent in the car on the way home.  At 11:40 PM I got into the car and turned on the radio to hear that lovely song, Crystal Blue Persuasion by The Shondells.  (A link to the song on youtube is:  http://youtu.be/7M0r1iSeiHUIt) couldn't have been more soothing.  No tension in my shoulders.  No beating myself up for missing something stupid.  Just that.  Me and Crystal Blue Persuasion.

I don't even know what I did during tonight's rehearsal.  I was that far gone, for the most part.  Every once in a while I noticed my body trembling or heard my voice say something in a brand new way...but for the most part....I had nothing to do with Blanche tonight.

Of course, we are getting our notes emailed to us.  It is possible the director found my work tonight to be disgustingly terrible, but all I can do right now is feel deep, blessed relief.

She is completely and absolutely here, and I am happy with her. 

The nice thing is that now that she is complete, she can only get better.  I am hoping for magic when we have audiences.  We have one rehearsal left sans audiences, and I am so grateful to have it just to get everything into even a better spot.

So, it has all been worth it.  Every day of me staring at that script.  Every messy spot in my house.  Every researched detail.  Every bit of Blanchersize and Dudiet has paid off.  She is ready to live and breathe once a night for 10 more nights.

She is here!  She is here!  She is here!  And, I'm still here, too.  Still reeling, exhausted, and dizzy from that insane fever-rich flu. 

We are both.

Here.

#21 Tech Sunday

I know, I know.  I haven't written much this week.  Just when things are coming to a head!  Forgive me.  I have had a horrible case of the flu that left me literally bedridden for 3 solid days.  Today was my first day back into not only the world, but back onto the stage for seven hours.  Tech Sunday is just what it implies.   It is the planned longest rehearsal time slated during the rehearsal process, and generally takes several hours depending upon how many lighting changes, set changes, etc. will be made in any given production.  All of these effects are added to the rehearsed show on this day.

I feel a bit shaky, but I think I handled it alright.  I believe the flu gave me an honest and tangible understanding of fragility.  I still need to brush up on some specific words that I get stuck upon and tangled up in while running scenes, but I sincerely have a strong sense that we have a very powerful show on our hands.  We just need to shake the bugs out.

Tech Sunday also marks the beginning of the end.  We will be rehearsing the show nightly now.  And, on Thursday, we will have our preview audience.  So, there are really three rehearsals left.  I need to go over my costume changes, my prop placements, as well as look over the script again and again prior to tomorrow night.  So, this will have to be short.

I just thought it best to check in.  And will you look?  We've had more than 1,000 hits!  Thank you for coming along the journey with me.  I will write more after tomorrow's rehearsal.

Thank you again!!

#20 As The Candle Burns Down

Oh my.  Oh my.  I have been through some shaky rehearsals this week with all my new developing friends.  The set is coming together & at today's rehearsal we even had some of the lighting set up.  It was delightful to work under stage lights as opposed to work lights (work lights are just overhead lights--typically very bright and merciless).  I can't tell you too much about the set, but it looks very neat and uniform.  I can say that.  Costume pieces and hand props--such as purses, gloves, plates, glasses have made their way into the actor's hands.  We all continue to call for "line" from our stage manager who will give us the words we cannot find from the script in the heat of the moment.  Yes, it is coming along.  Banging along the tracks, if you will.

When I took on this role, I didn't truly comprehend the enormity and wealth of lines this character has.  I swear she is on nearly every page.  I began to realize it when I highlighted everything in the sea of orange.  But, I will tell you that I am about to go off the deep end trying to gather all these words into my brain in an organized manner.  It is taking up more time than any character I have ever played, ever.  I have done two person shows, even a one person show...but this!  My.  My.  All I can do is keep at it.  I worry a lot about it, but I try to put the worry to work by pouring that energy into looking at the script.

Physically, I have lost 7 pounds.  That's around a pound a week which isn't too horrible to do to one's body.  However, I have been giving up meals and exercising maybe a bit too much. 

It seems that when I am doing anything other than looking at my script, I feel like I am cheating on Blanche.  It's crazy to think about it this way.  I have a full life here!  I must say that I can run through act one in my head now and am script free.  I still have work to do on act two, for sure.  I have very few rehearsals left prior to tech week and the play's opening.  It's down to the wire. 

Even this blog is taking me away from Blanche, but I do have several readers who have asked me to make sure I let you know what is going on in the thick of things.  Well, here I am, absolutely in the thick of things. 

My house is an absolute mess, I have tears in my eyes a lot after working on the script, my family thinks I am bonkers and too busy to spend time with them.  I am learning what it is like to have a fragile skin...skin more fragile than an eggshell....ready to crack at any moment.  Tenderness, sweetness, and tragedy are making their way into my heart, my voice, and my body.

It's a lot.  I know when I am on and when I am not on in rehearsal.  Today was hard.  I was so easily distracted by all the stuff going on off stage.  Blanche is easily affected by unexpected sounds.  So, anyway...I blew it today.  I am back at the script hard this evening.  Writing to you was my little break, and I am glad to have done it.  I feel better.

Thanks.