#Sweet 16: Feverish Memorization

"They told me to take a streetcar named Desire, transfer to one called Cemetery, ride 6 blocks and get off at Elysian Fields."  These are the first words my character utters in disbelief that life could have brought her to such a destitute place...where her sister, as soon revealed, has clearly rejected their fine upbringing and flourishes in the little that is around her. 
1.  Desire (verb: to want in a sensual/passionate way)
2.  Cemetery (noun: location for the dead)
3.   Elysian  (adjective: blissful/delightful)

Way to set up a character, eh?   Well.  It does say it all.  These particular words, the chosen language...sets up Blanche from beginning to end.  She lost her husband, took care of her elders until they died--as best a well raised upper class lady could-hopelessly and helpless.  Then she lost the house and land (because she wasn't properly trained financially and wasn't able to afford uninsured and multiple deaths with a teacher's salary).  She thus turned to men for affection and money...lost it all..herself, her dignity, the last of her wealth.  Lost and hopeless, she then went to her younger sister Stella's (who had fled home as a teen) to live.  Here she gained hope of an undignified but kindhearted  possible mate and marriage to him on a gamble in the lowest of possible terms.  Once this possible exit/happy ending/positive future is set in motion, her past is found out and blabbered by her brother in law, Stanley...She is slowly destructed by him--mentally and physically and basically goes nuts.  How wonderful for a story to be set up in only a few words.  Again, hats off to Mr. Williams.

My script exploded.  It literally fell to pieces.  I'm loving the irony.  I am thankful to Mitch for making a copy of his script.  I've been busy with the highlighter once again.

I have less than a week to try my best to be off book.  I can say that I probably have nearly 30% of my lines memorized.  I hope I can get more time to myself to get it all done.  This part, getting off book, is the devil's work.  It can be a loving process where we self-reward ourselves along for getting a few words down at a time.  That's how I'm doing this.  Or we can beat ourselves to death because we don't know our lines.  I do this, too.  Naturally. 

I begin at the beginning.  Add some lines, go back...begin from the beginning again until I have the entire scene down.  With Blanche and this play...it is much easier for me to do this in order of scenes rather than the random way in which we are working through scenes during our actual rehearsals.  For instance, last night we did the very last scene first; then jumped to scene 3 toward the beginning.  It has to be hard for the director to manage getting all the cast well rehearsed when you have 3 main characters...but in a show which every single person is very important no matter how little the characters say where the group scenes are few and far between.

It takes time and investment to memorize.  I have had to sit around on my can much more lately--just to take in the script and exercise my mind getting it committed to memory.  However, once off book, I can run like the wind and say my lines as I go.  It's kind of fun to do one's character that way.  Once I know my script, I can start at the top of the show & say all my lines while showering, doing dishes, driving, etc.  Always making new discoveries.  Like Kastanza:  "These PRETZELS are making me thirsty...no, wait:  THESE pretzels are making me THIRSTY!" and so on.  Once I get act one down (I believe in a matter of days) I can take it on the run.  I look forward to having that confidence.

For now....I sit...I read...I look up...I go back...I sit...I read...I look up...say it...I see if it is correct...good/bad...I sit...I read...I say it...I see if it's correct/wrong...I go back...I add another line.

And such are these days.

Ever been there?  Advice accepted below.

#15 "a fake so real I'm beyond fake" -C. Love

 Nine days. 

Nine days until I am supposed to be off book.  (Off Book = completely memorized,  and without the script in hand during rehearsal...if we get lost, we call "line" so that the stage manager will tell us our line to continue us on our journey throughout the scene).  The date has been set for March 1st.  I have 12 monologues and 100 pages of dialogue to memorize before then...much less with blocking as well as intentions for each line/scene...ugh.

Surprising to me, I have found myself listening to the band, Hole.  A lot.  A tremendous amount of the time.  I guess I see the connection.  When I first started this blog, I heard one of their songs while I watched a "long parade to the graveyard" in front of me in beautiful, sad snow one morning.  Since then, I have been finding myself listening to Hole more than I listen to the news.  I am a big fan of the news.  So this is significant.  I have to let it happen with the understanding that something has to be needed here.  In life, as well as when developing characters, we have to always be aware of what our Universe is sending to us.  We have no choice but to simply acknowledge and appreciate what we receive, then cultivate it.  Otherwise, what's the point?

You must understand that liking/listening to Hole is almost like cheating on Kurt Cobain.  It's like cheating on the whole grunge movement  and every wonderful band in it....to listen to Cortney Love like I have been.  She is sort of like the enjoying Plastic Joan and being a member of  improvland.  Yet, I have to say...Hole is pretty good.  Sorry.  It's true.  It is a band with a message.  They deliver their song in every song: "I was hurt, I see what is going on."  It is always nice to listen to bands that understand their message.  I can see how Blanche, in modern day, would be tantalized by Hole.  I'm letting her have it.  I'm riding along as the actor as I let Blanche somewhat drive the...streetcar..if you will, for a while..  Ms. Love lost a young husband who was a poet as well...I see why the Blanche part of me wants to listen to her band.  I think, perhaps, had Blanche known how to play guitar, her outcome would have been quite different..yet, sort of the same.

So, anyway, I have around 12 monologues to learn plus all that dialogue of 100 pages.  Sigh.  I don't know how to tackle such a project.  Again, I am not in an Equity Union show.  I am scrapping time together to get this baby going for free.  I am trying right now to nail down those speeches...and am keeping the dialogue as secondary..but that's not right for my fellow actors, is it?  I don't know.  I had a rehearsal today with Stanley and Stella.  It was so surprising and lovely to look into each other's eyes in those moment when we didn't need our scripts as we were on that stage as our characters.  We have a fine show brewing, I can say.  I love the investment ....I saw the characters instead of the actors--face to face if only for little snippets of time.  It will be easy to get lost in Blanche onstage with these folks.

"A fake so real I'm beyond fake"  this is a lyric from a Hole song which could easily apply to Blanche.
 I will take this lyric to bed and cradle it along with my lines tonight.

#14 Underground

I am continuing to struggle through the darkness of line-learning and have no sight at all to the end of the tunnel.  At this point, I should consider digging for gold with my bare hands because I feel my headlamp requires batteries that were not included and can only be found as I work my way through.  Digging for gold, that's exactly what I have been doing, actually. 

The way Tennessee Williams writes!  He is so very alive in his work.  He tells me when to pause and think...and often, when to move.  I am so thankful to be under his watchful eye.  And, again, I am thrilled that my director understands the intentions of my character in any given scene.

Blanche is really coming to life for me perhaps to the dismay of my family and fellow cast members.  I may be over the top, over accented, annoying...I don't know.  Ya gotta start somewhere.  I just have to try out things and experiment in the actor's science lab at this point....but I have hit close to home on her voice now.  It is coming, and I feel pretty genuine in a lot of it.  I hear her in my head.  It is a voice that I have found through reading aloud and not from watching other actresses portray her. (I will have to dive in deeper into accents in another blog)

It has been difficult to not allow myself to look up prior productions, even the movie of this play.  An actress in this situation cannot look at what has been done but must find everything for herself.  Yes.  Yes, it would be so easy to watch how the others...the greats if you will...have played Blanche.  If I watch it, I fall victim to their way and lose my own.  How could I ever make Blanche my own if I look at how others play her?  It is true that many years ago, I did take in/view several versions of Streetcar.  Yet, my eye has always been cast keenly on Stella and not Blanche, so I find discovering this character very fresh and new.

Over the years, I have spent a lot of time avoiding the main parts in shows.  I have always preferred playing the funny, smaller parts (if not  a variety of multiple parts within any given show).  When I think about it now, I realize that during rehearsals that I never held resentment for anyone with more lines..it has never mattered to me.  I have always felt pretty well suited for any part in which I have been cast.  I know, however, when an actor is up there on the stage for the entire rehearsal and you have only a couple of lines in a show and have to sit until it's your cue, how it can be.  When you play a lead and you know the entire cast is waiting for that one scene they are in and how long it will take to get there.  It is best to save your topic of conversation you have planned to discuss with the stage manager or the director to take place later and not during everyone's waiting time.  Just thinking about that for some reason.

Tonight, we "stumbled through" the second half of the play.  A "stumble through" does not mean that we all go out and have drinks prior to the rehearsal, it means that we work through the scenes--looking for fluidity--trying to read our random blocking notes we have scribbled quickly in pencil in the exterior of the body of the script on the pages that sometimes can be much worse than a doctor's penmanship.  So we have to stop and start scenes...sometimes even reblock things.  It is very important to have a pencil in your pocket or in your hair during these. 

Generally right after blocking, a theatre will rarely have a set built with the objects with which the actors will work.  We improvise these doors, sofas, glasses, tables...all this with the understanding of where every object has already been blocked onto the stage.  Sometimes we get it taped out on the floor as well.  It's sometimes hard to visualize how it will look especially with the added burden of having the script in your hand.  It is fun to watch the set be created a little more each rehearsal, though.  It grows and completes just as our characters fall into place.  Bit by bit.

When I have a character with several lines, such as Blanche, I turn to my old-timey mini-cassette recorder.  I record all the other character's lines around the blank spaces where as I can fill in my lines.  I prefer to do it this way because when alone I can experiment approaching delivering my lines in new ways within that space.  Being able to constantly respond to my other actor's words over and over helps me to decide what works and what doesn't. 

I have vowed to no longer drink theatre coffee because I have found myself up very, very late the past few nights.  I have been leaving full of energy and ready to take on the script into late night wrestling matches after rehearsals this week.  Maybe it's okay, but I do have to work tomorrow.  So I will go and try to calm my brain.  

Comment if you desire.

#13 It's Only Lyrics To Paper Moon

http://listen.grooveshark.com/#/s/It+s+Only+A+Paper+Moon/2EXU7K

Blanche sings this in the tub while Stanley is telling Stella that he has found out that she has a checkered past.  When the transition of the show takes place and she is found out.  This is what he has her singing in the tub while her possible future, her world is torn to pieces.

I never feel a thing is real
When I'm away from you
Out of your embrace
This world's a temporary parking place

a bubble for a minute...mmm mmmh
You Smile
The bubble has a rainbow in it

Say It's only a paper moon
sailing over a cardboard sea
but it wouldn't be make believe
if you believed in me

Yes it's only a canvess sky
hanging over a muslen tree
but it wouldn't be make believe
if you believed in me

Without your love
it's a honkey tonk parade
Without your love
it's a melody played in a penny arcade

its a barnamum and baily world
just as phoney as it can be
but it wouln't be make believe
If you believed in me

Yes it's only a canvas sky
hanging over a muslen tree
but it wouldn't be make believe
if you believed in me

without your love
its a honkey tonk parade
without your love
its a melody played
In a penny arcade

its' a barnamum and bailey world
just as phoney as it can be
but it wouldn't be make-believe
if you believed in me

#12 It's Tuesday, Honestly.

Feeling taxed today.

Last night, I fell asleep with droopy eyes over the loose pages of my script.  I guess Dramatists (the publisher) could maybe consider using a printer with better binding glue because 1/3 of my pages have fallen out of my script...all the way up to page 27.  It is a sign that I need to be working faster to get off book, I suppose.  Regardless, it is a pain in the neck for me to try to keep up with all the pages much less have them in order... (Off book = memorized and not in need of dragging a script around the stage)

I awoke with half my head clogged and my lower back in the sort of pain that I only experienced in pregnancy.  I presume this has to do with walking around in 2.5" heels for days as well as challenging myself with Blanchersizing.  Regardless, it wasn't easy to physically accomplish the overloaded schedule I had for today...but I made it work.  I finished it up with a 2.5 hour rehearsal in which we went over our blocking for the first half of the play.

Even though I am working so hard at memorizing, I felt like an idiot when I delivered any of my lines tonight (and there are plenty of them) because I wasn't focused on what I was saying more so than where I should be on the stage and how the heck I could get there with my back in this condition.  I thought my voice sounded insincere and my body was far from Blanche moves--I'm wearing my granola-muncher Earth Shoes tonight to help my poor back & I know I seem so very short to everyone.  It is done, now, though, and I can eventually hit the heating pad.  I can take some solace in the fact this is volunteer work.  However, paid or not, this phase can really "get" to an actor when in the memorization process.  Sure, we are making discoveries as we learn out lines...discoveries regarding where our characters are really coming from and what kind of vocal and physical projection to make at any moment...but we are also ready to literally sling the script across the room because it sits there in our hands.  It's the newly grown limb that we think we no longer need but can't quite let go of until we know our lines by heart.

So, anyway, in case you were curious: no.  It is not all wine and roses.  It is work.  A labor of love...and we silently...sometimes vocally beat ourselves up for not knowing our lines.  That was my tonight, and hopefully I will be better prepared for the second half of the play on Thursday.

And that's the truth.





 

#11 The Blanchening

We have been through some severe cold weather of late, and today finally begins some thawing.  I am hoping to possibly see earth reveal her muddy self as all this snow melts off this week. I miss seeing the ground, but maybe it will help me as Blanche.  Perhaps, by Friday, I can get the heels outside the house for Blanche-Walking practice.

Many things have happened in Blancheland this week.  I am sorry to have not made it to My Blanche Dublog until now because so much has happened, but that's how it goes.  Among other things, I have been measured for costumes, have run out of fancy bubble bath, have had my hair colored blonde, and have just finished up our forth rehearsal.

Costume Measuring:
When you are...over twenty...at times, this can be a somewhat unnerving process if you let it be one.  I have given birth, so I always have to keep this in mind as I get measured and remember my former measurements prior to such an assault on the body (but with lovely souls as results!).  Luckily, I am blessed with a costumer who has the exact same idea/eye/concept/landscape for Blanche.  The colors will be wonderful!  She and I both see flowing, clear fabrics or the "soft colors like a butterfly's wings."  I am hoping to adjust the size a smidge within the next 6 weeks.  I AM working on it!  Oh, and she found this absolutely fabulous long flowing satin peach robe for me.  I am thrilled!  I seriously can't wait to twirl around in it.  It has Blanche written all over it.  That's the thing, sometimes the costume can really pull a character together for an actor.  In my experience, and I have had a great deal of all sorts, I find that sometimes I can search and search for a character and never find it until I wear their clothes...walk in their shoes--if you will.  This is not the case with Blanche, though.   We knew immediately when the outfits "fit" her once they were on.  Again, I am blessed with a very smart lady who knows her costumes!

Running out of fancy bubble bath:
I have run out of fancy bubble bath.  Tomorrow is Valentine's Day.  I hope my reserves will be replenished because it is a very perfect time to be in need for fancy chemical free bath suds.  I will probably head out on my own to get that. 

Chemicals added:
Yes, YES!  I have done THE deed.  Indeed I have become a blonde by going to a salon (that uses plant based color).  I will post before and after photos soon, very soon.  I will likely have to dedicate an entire blog entry to it.  From the reactions I am getting from others, it works with my skin tone...which is fantastic!  Some have even said that I should keep it through the summer just to have some fun.  It has been 48 hours...we'll see.

Rehearsal:
The blocking for the entire (three act) show is nearly complete.
If you are not a theatre type, you should know that actors are indeed physically athletic...as well as mentally, and emotionally athletic.  When regarding the physical, blocking is our overall game plan.  Our coach, the director, gives us a play by play outline of our movements for every part of the game, our play.  The technical definition of blocking: to plan out or work out the movements of performers in a play.  I and many believe, also, that we also need to come at our characters with specific physicality.  For instance, this week I am working on Blanche's center of gravity.  Where does this woman come from in a physical stance?  I see her feet barely touching the ground...so it's not the feet...therefore I am playing with where she is coming from, physically, as well.  Is it the chin?  The stomach, etc.  This is what an actor asks herself.  I am currently working with the chin, elbows, chest, nose, and neck...right now.  I think a lot of her is all at the top.  Of course, like everything in this process, I may very well change my mind.
Other Things:
I continue to constantly read through the play and am plowing through memorization.  When I say plow, I mean that.  Memorization for the actor is much like farming.  We read the play, we look at our part, we consider the gist of what we are saying in any given section, then we get in there and plant the seeds of the words/emotions/physicality/blocking-movements into our minds and souls...one letter, one word, one feeling at a time.  We then constantly revisit these seeds so that they grow in familiarity until we know them by heart and they are ripe and ready to be harvested and distributed to the audience. 
I am doing this one word, one phrase, one sentence at a time.  I think I will be in very good shape in about two weeks.  I hope it is sooner because the sooner an actor learns their lines, the sooner they can play in the world of the character.  It is very much like the imaginative world of Toby in The Velveteen Rabbit.  Toby really knows how to create an environment and play within it.  I like Toby.  What a story.

Okay, so there it is.  The week for Blanche Dubois in a nutshell.  I have exactly 39 days prior to...the harvest.

I have been thinking about my most recent blog (#10) a lot as well.  I have spoken to some folks (some high school English teachers, some actors, and some directors who know Tennessee Williams) on my concept...thus, I will say that I am considering looking at this monologue as possibly a polished story of Blanche's which has been performed prior to sharing it with Mitch...but....I'm still not sure.  I think there is something more there.

Opinions?!

Thank you so very much for following!

#10 Time of unrest with my laurels.

We fell victim to a blizzard this week.  Most everything slowed down enough to give people a moment to take that rare look at themselves in clarity.  This is what happens when life gives us a glimmer of extra time which usually comes suddenly and without avoidance.  Time to just sit and be still without premeditated meditation.  When this occurs, we have the option to reflect, then to regret or to correct.

This play is Blanche's blizzard moment, and it lasts for roughly seven months.  The facts, however, are right in front of her; and she is forced to play the game so carefully with possible catastrophic results.  Each move could be her last, she feels.  Her only solace is found in hot baths and in alcohol.  She, being as helpless has she has become, relies upon these two things so desperately. 

I have been memorizing her speech to Mitch regarding her marriage to her young husband and his death.  During the first few readings, I saw it differently than I do now.  My opinion has also changed regarding her behavior with the young newspaper collector.  (I will have to save that opinion for another blog..) 

Knowing this story, as it is a classic, I never suspected that her husband may have been a continued victim of an older male predator.  I know, right?  Am I nuts to think this?  This theory revealed itself to me as I went over and over the monologue.  She says that he needed her help.  I thought that this had to do with him simply being a homosexual.  This fact alone would certainly place a newleywed female in a difficult state of unrest.  But there is this series of lines Blanche has that really makes me question what was going on with her husband.  Considering this has given me an entire new level of complexity that could be possible for this character.

I want to share this with you.  Here is a section of the speech, as written by Tennessee Williams:
Blanche:
.... But I was unlucky.  Deluded.  There was something different about the boy, a nervousness, a softness, tenderness which wasn't like a man's although he wasn't the least bit effeminate looking--still--that thing was there... He came to me for help.  I didn't know that.  I didn't find out anything until after our marriage when we'd run away and come back and all I knew was I'd failed him in some mysterious way and wasn't able to give him the help he needed but couldn't speak of!  He was in the quicksands clutching at me--but I wasn't holding him out, I was slipping in with him!  I didn't know that.  I didn't know anything except I loved him unendurable but without being able to help him or help myself."

Prior to what she says above, she tells Mitch that she was 16 years old when this happened.  She goes on to say, after the above excerpt, that she discovers "the boy I married and an older man who had been his friend for years" in a room together.  Mr. Williams leaves the imagery of this discovery wide open for the imagination.  He gives no other details than the fact that they were in the room together.

Her husband soon ends his life because, she feels, of what she said to him regarding how she felt about her discovery.  I almost feel like she truly didn't understand what what going on and has since realized her mistake.  This is unbearable for her.

What do you think?

#9 Blanche: In A Nutshell

Poor Blanche.  Poor, poor Blanche. 

Here is the sketch of this person, if you will, as drawn out by Tennessee Williams:

September 1917: 
She was born in Laurel, Mississippi to a prominent but soon to be falling-on-hard-times Southern family.

1933: 
At age 16, she falls into blind, mad love and runs away to marry a young, handsome homosexual who has a talent for writing poetry.  Within the first year of marriage, she discovers him with his lover.  That night she confronts him at a dance, he runs outside and shoots himself dead.  It seems clear that after this, she moves back home to her home, Belle Reve, in Laurel.

1937:
Age 20.  Her father dies.  Her only sibling, a younger sister aged 15, strikes out on her own while Blanche stays behind.

Between 1937 and 1947: 
She finishes college having apparently dated only one man since her husband's death, named
Shep Huntleigh, with whom it didn't work out.  She ends up becoming a high school English instructor who teaches "Hawthorne and Whitman and Poe"...which must slowly and continuously feed her sorrow and loneliness and remind her of her lost love.
The death toll at home rises also during these years:  Her mother dies after her father,  then Margaret (I believe/assume to be the maid...not sure), then her Cousin Jessie.  She is running out of money and eventually loses Belle Reve to a bank seizure because of an unpaid loan.  She is forced to move into a rat trap hotel where she spends lots of time drinking and with men while managing to keep her job.  I believe this "lowly" behavior began because there was an army base located on the outskirts of town, and the men walked past Belle Reve on their way into and from town to get drunk.  Blanche adores attention and to be flattered...and that's just what she got from these men on any given weekend.  I think that acting this way was just something that, out of need, developed into a habit and eventually ruined her and her reputation.  Finally, she goes kind of bananas and is foolish enough to develop "relations" with a student.  She is then, naturally, asked to leave town with nowhere to go and no money.

1947: 
Age 30.  After being kicked out of Laurel, she goes to stay with her sister (for about 6 months) in a two room apartment in the French Quarter in New Orleans.  Her sister has "embellished a little" about the size of her home and the conditions in which she lives.  Blanche is blown away at the destitute situation and feels absolutely helpless.  She meets Stella's husband who doesn't like her drinking habit or her "uppity" influence on Stella.  She meets one fella, Mitch, who could potentially marry her and save her from any future misery.  Unfortunately, Stella's husband, Stanley finds out about her checkered past and reveals this information to Mitch which ruins the relationship.  Stanley then rapes her, lies about it, and sends her to the crazy house.

This is where the story ends.  I get to fill in the blanks.  Any suggestions?

What do you think?