Tuesday, March 22, 2011

#22 Tech Tuesday: Crystal Blue Persuasion

Did you hear that sound?  Listen close....  It is the biggest sigh of relief you will have ever heard from me regarding finally getting to where I need to be prior to a show opening. 

The light at the end of the tunnel has shown itself brightly; and here I am, not a moment too soon, ready to bask in all it's glory!  Tonight, Tech Tuesday, of all nights it truly happened for me.  Beginning to end.  Blanche, Blanche, Blanche all the way.  She took over and lived her play just as I had expected.

What a relief!  I can't say that I didn't see it coming.  I am sure it wasn't perfect.  But tonight, the world's worst critic regarding me and Blanche (myself) fell silent in the car on the way home.  At 11:40 PM I got into the car and turned on the radio to hear that lovely song, Crystal Blue Persuasion by The Shondells.  (A link to the song on youtube is:  http://youtu.be/7M0r1iSeiHUIt) couldn't have been more soothing.  No tension in my shoulders.  No beating myself up for missing something stupid.  Just that.  Me and Crystal Blue Persuasion.

I don't even know what I did during tonight's rehearsal.  I was that far gone, for the most part.  Every once in a while I noticed my body trembling or heard my voice say something in a brand new way...but for the most part....I had nothing to do with Blanche tonight.

Of course, we are getting our notes emailed to us.  It is possible the director found my work tonight to be disgustingly terrible, but all I can do right now is feel deep, blessed relief.

She is completely and absolutely here, and I am happy with her. 

The nice thing is that now that she is complete, she can only get better.  I am hoping for magic when we have audiences.  We have one rehearsal left sans audiences, and I am so grateful to have it just to get everything into even a better spot.

So, it has all been worth it.  Every day of me staring at that script.  Every messy spot in my house.  Every researched detailEvery bit of Blanchersize and Dudiet has paid off.  She is ready to live and breathe once a night for 10 more nights.

She is here!  She is here!  She is here!  And, I'm still here, too.  Still reeling, exhausted, and dizzy from that insane fever-rich flu. 

We are both.

Here.



Sunday, March 20, 2011

#21 Tech Sunday

I know, I know.  I haven't written much this week.  Just when things are coming to a head!  Forgive me.  I have had a horrible case of the flu that left me literally bedridden for 3 solid days.  Today was my first day back into not only the world, but back onto the stage for seven hours.  Tech Sunday is just what it implies.   It is the planned longest rehearsal time slated during the rehearsal process, and generally takes several hours depending upon how many lighting changes, set changes, etc. will be made in any given production.  All of these effects are added to the rehearsed show on this day.

I feel a bit shaky, but I think I handled it alright.  I believe the flu gave me an honest and tangible understanding of fragility.  I still need to brush up on some specific words that I get stuck upon and tangled up in while running scenes, but I sincerely have a strong sense that we have a very powerful show on our hands.  We just need to shake the bugs out.

Tech Sunday also marks the beginning of the end.  We will be rehearsing the show nightly now.  And, on Thursday, we will have our preview audience.  So, there are really three rehearsals left.  I need to go over my costume changes, my prop placements, as well as look over the script again and again prior to tomorrow night.  So, this will have to be short.

I just thought it best to check in.  And will you look?  We've had more than 1,000 hits!  Thank you for coming along the journey with me.  I will write more after tomorrow's rehearsal.

Thank you again!!

Sunday, March 13, 2011

#20 As The Candle Burns Down


Oh my.  Oh my.  I have been through some shaky rehearsals this week with all my new developing friends.  The set is coming together & at today's rehearsal we even had some of the lighting set up.  It was delightful to work under stage lights as opposed to work lights (work lights are just overhead lights--typically very bright and merciless).  I can't tell you too much about the set, but it looks very neat and uniform.  I can say that.  Costume pieces and hand props--such as purses, gloves, plates, glasses have made their way into the actor's hands.  We all continue to call for "line" from our stage manager who will give us the words we cannot find from the script in the heat of the moment.  Yes, it is coming along.  Banging along the tracks, if you will.

When I took on this role, I didn't truly comprehend the enormity and wealth of lines this character has.  I swear she is on nearly every page.  I began to realize it when I highlighted everything in the sea of orange.  But, I will tell you that I am about to go off the deep end trying to gather all these words into my brain in an organized manner.  It is taking up more time than any character I have ever played, ever.  I have done two person shows, even a one person show...but this!  My.  My.  All I can do is keep at it.  I worry a lot about it, but I try to put the worry to work by pouring that energy into looking at the script.

Physically, I have lost 7 pounds.  That's around a pound a week which isn't too horrible to do to one's body.  However, I have been giving up meals and exercising maybe a bit too much. 

It seems that when I am doing anything other than looking at my script, I feel like I am cheating on Blanche.  It's crazy to think about it this way.  I have a full life here!  I must say that I can run through act one in my head now and am script free.  I still have work to do on act two, for sure.  I have very few rehearsals left prior to tech week and the play's opening.  It's down to the wire. 

Even this blog is taking me away from Blanche, but I do have several readers who have asked me to make sure I let you know what is going on in the thick of things.  Well, here I am, absolutely in the thick of things. 

My house is an absolute mess, I have tears in my eyes a lot after working on the script, my family thinks I am bonkers and too busy to spend time with them.  I am learning what it is like to have a fragile skin...skin more fragile than an eggshell....ready to crack at any moment.  Tenderness, sweetness, and tragedy are making their way into my heart, my voice, and my body.

It's a lot.  I know when I am on and when I am not on in rehearsal.  Today was hard.  I was so easily distracted by all the stuff going on off stage.  Blanche is easily affected by unexpected sounds.  So, anyway...I blew it today.  I am back at the script hard this evening.  Writing to you was my little break, and I am glad to have done it.  I feel better.

Thanks.

Saturday, March 5, 2011

#18 Reality of Unreality Becoming Reality

I have changed.

This is my 18th blog, and I interestingly have similar feelings I experienced when I was actually 18. 

Blanche is clearly manifesting.  We are growing up.

After rereading my blogs, I suddenly feel as if I have treated you like Blanche would treat strangers...carefully, topically and honestly--without full disclosure of her capacity of emotional depth.  I have touched on it: the truth of what is going on in my journey, with you.  I have even charmed the idea of a reality where I am truly going in this process as I write to you, a little.  But.  I suddenly find myself in a new place where I feel I can begin to express what is really going on.  I am now ready to step onto the high wire--the razor's edge, so to say...no net, no shaving cream.  I now plan to thrust my trust onto you, and honestly share the complexity of my human actor mind.

Thus, I must become even more candid with you and not skirt around my true feelings.  I never thought I was dishonest previously, but I look back at my journey on this Streetcar line and realize the superficial way in which I approached you as well as my character.  Forgive me.  I was thinking about writing, being the writer for this blog.  I had also given myself that wall of protection and anonymity I have given everyone that is working on this particular show.  I will now allow my wall to come down regardless of the results.  However, I feel I should continue to maintain the anonymity of everyone else working on the show right now.

I took yesterday off from my new and only constant eyesight, the script.  Looking at one so much as I have is beginning a complete transformation (not in real life, but as I rehearse) new posture, breathing energy, my speech patterns in addition to my heart-rate while engaged in Blanche: all new challenges I must put my body through.  Yes.  Blanche is taking hold.  Don't worry, I won't go Black Swan on you...although I purposely did not see that film because of the delicate situation in which I have been placed.  I get it.  All actors...performers of all kind go through a process of discovery prior to the final product that is presented--hence my reason to write this blog.  Some feel it more strongly than others.  I trust that no one walks away from any character they have played unchanged.

I spent a good deal of time yesterday pouring through antique and thrift shops for inspiration.  Even though being off book is so important, it is equally wise to get away from it and take in what the Universe has to offer to you during this process.  One shop in particular shocked me with the song Paper Moon quietly blaring nicely throughout it's cluttered and easy-to-get-lost-in maze of objects.  It was Gene Austin singing.  What synchronicity!  And, speaking of music, I must note to you that my musical taste has changed tremendously.  Hole has moved to the back seat and in their place now sits the great classical composers.  It is naturally easier to feel like Blanche and in my element with violins among other fine instruments crying, begging softly to be heard and understood in my now-a-day all-things-classical sound scape.

I have also been seeking and watching all films of the 1930's and 1940's from which the actresses would have affected Blanche so severely.  Gotta love the old black and whites!  I always have.  Looking at them through the eyes of Blanche helps me to realize how she tries to mimic the greats.  Tennessee William drops clues in his scripts about the characters likes/dislikes.  Again, he tells us so much if we just pay attention.  I would appreciate your suggestions on films to watch as well as music of this era.
 
Here I am, getting closer and closer to fully becoming a Blanche that has not yet been seen nor will ever be seen again, and I am sometimes afraid to look at the script.  Isn't that nuts?  I do it, regardless of the affect it has on me physically, emotionally, and spiritually.  I know her better every time and it is harder and more uncomfortable because I am realizing the exact demands that are required in which to play this character correctly.  Such an acting challenge has truly not been laid before me previously.  Here is where the completely different creature gets scientifically mixed with/by the actor.  I must glow & flutter, I must talk differently, I must be affected by others differently, feel life in a new way.  She is in a very different place and era than I am.  I contemplate how to play this within the constraints of my modern life-experience and physical build.  I have to just go there or sometimes let her just come to me. 

She is fluttering around me.  I can tell when I do or say something right.  I get gold stars on my Blanche chart.  I can see it happening.  I'm an actor, folks.  We have vivid imaginations...or do we see and show the imagined?  I think the latter.  We are the tools of the playwrights.  Yes, though, I admit we do have active imaginations.  It's a necessary part of being an actor.

I think about how I delivered my lines during the previous rehearsals & the obvious realizations that have finally begun to poor into me lately.  I feel like I could mop the floor with what I was doing previously even though I thought that was really close to what Blanche is...I was so wrong.  I have traveled nowhere near where I can and should be...and will go with proper direction.  I see I can do so very much more.  I can make it more real, true.  I am on my way to the goal to really become her for the entire length of the play without my personal take on how she should be at any point during the show.  There won't be room for my opinion.

She is taking over.  Not all the time, she is like a Genie in the bottle that I am getting more and more comfortable calling out...because I tell you, Blanche Dubois is really something special and beautiful.  I'm still not sure about what she can do through me, though.  I am opening myself up to let her have at it. 

My Blanche is still very raw right now, but she truly has a strong and fast heartbeat.  She is tremendous.  And, regardless of how conniving others think she may be, I truly do not see her this way. I really don't.  She is a brilliant soul who has clearly and tragically lost her way. 

I really appreciate your reading this blog.  Thanks so much!  I am loving the feedback I get outside of this blog.  Please let me, all of us know what your ideas/questions are. 

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

#17 The Lost One...Lost In The Process

Not a blog with the flow and caliber in which I have presented previously but a series of facts instead follows--based on my place right now:

Tomorrow, we hit the stage free of our prosthetic extension called the script.  That is Blanchy terminology for being OFF BOOK.  We are working through Act 2 and Act 3.  I do not know all my lines.  I do know what is going on with my character, but I do not know my words right now...for everything...this is very frustrating....

24 days left until Opening Night.

I googled Blanche Dubois.  Sure there are a ton of impersonators, but there are also some lovely sites that will give any actor (or anyone) an in depth summary of a character...such as, spark notes.
http://www.sparknotes.com/lit/streetcar/canalysis.html  ...this will be helpful if you really want to get a good idea of what I am embarking upon.

There is a wine from DuBois that I saw in the wine shop the other day.  I must get my hands upon this soon.

I have been blonde for a month now & already need to get more "work" done on the color.   I do not miss the constant maintenance a person who has fake hair color must endure.  Yet, I feel pretty good about the color...most seem to love it...and I have pretty honest friends.  I may have even received a double take or two that I used to get years ago...now that I am blonde.  So, this is entertaining.

I am a parent & have had the youth home basically for two weeks straight with sickness which does not bode well for an actress who wants to rehearse her character aloud.  I have been very, very busy playing a variety of roles and not enough Blanche lately.

Again, tomorrow, I have to have 50 pages of dialogue within which several monologues are embedded.  I wanted to write something on here to let you know what is going on because I do get a lot of status requests from you folks.  I am really putting myself into getting these lines just right because it simply will not flow if even a word is off.  It is an amazing challenge.

I am worried, stressed, as well as understanding more and more about Blanche and how she should be played as the play progresses.  And I am hopeful that I can be where I need to be tomorrow.  Off book on act two and three. 

Thanks for reading!  I am so close to being off book that we will soon begin the new chapter of onstage discoveries during rehearsal...I CANNOT WAIT...Send me memory luck.