#26 The Big Easy

Well, tomorrow it is.  Tomorrow I will land in New Orleans.  This is the sort of thing actors with budgets would do prior to a performance...maybe even prior to rehearsals in a historical situation.  They would be paid to visit the location where their play or film takes place long before they were to portray their character.

Two things:  I never expected to be invited to a wedding of a couple that I love in New Orleans nor did I ever expect to be cast in the role of Blanche Dubois.  Both of these events happened within the first two weeks of January, 2011.  Here I am, though, packing and preparing to visit the place where A Streetcar Named Desire takes place.

I did the play with a company that would not be able to fork out the cash to pay the actors, color their hair, much less send them to New Orleans to study the French Quarter.  That's fine with me.  I couldn't have loved playing Blanche any more than I did, honestly.  I only wish I could have played more shows as to discover more truer ways to live her life.

I looked online today, there is indeed a 632 Elysian Fields Avenue.  That is where Tennessee Williams placed the apartment of Stanley and Stella.  It will be a bit of a walk, but I am planning on visiting the site.  Also, I will find time around all the fantastically planned wedding activities to go to Galatoire's for lunch at least.  Galatoire's is the restaurant where Stella takes Blanche on the infamous Poker Night in the play.  I am very excited to know that I can walk on the heels of my character regardless if I no longer need to understand such dynamics that our Mr. Williams intended for his actresses to know.

The wedding is going to be glorious!  I adore the people being married, and I find it fitting to be able to place myself at this rare and wonderful celebration in New Orleans especially now that my portrayal of Blanche has certainly begun it's fading away process from me, the actress.

I sometimes think characters fade away from actors so very quickly so that they can find their next vessel.  I think characters know that the transition must happen fast or they fear they will be left by the wayside.  I can't help trying to keep Blanche just a bit refreshed with me, I know it is selfish; but just for this weekend.  At this point, several weeks after the production, I am surprised at how I can get lost if I try to run a monologue through my mind from the show just for kicks.  Plays are such wonderful, fleeting moments that way.  So beautiful.  No live performance of a play can ever be replaced.  I love that.  Love it.

I found a bed and breakfast in the Quarter that will deem itself perfect.  I have even managed to be lucky enough to find that a friend of mine, a truly gifted and great actor to be closing a show this weekend which I will be able to attend.  How deliciously random!

Sometimes, I believe that luck is certainly not luck but more a positive path that we can--every once in a while, if not often--be able to jump onto for as long as we can hold on to it.  I look at this trip not as a means to an end but more of a beginning to something wonderful.

#25 Unpacking The Trunk

Right now, one week ago, I was walking, talking--living my Blanche.  Tonight, I am sitting at home kind of bummed out.  I had planned on going to see some other friend's shows (which there are plenty of at this time of year).  I decided to just be here to refocus on my life and home.  Tomorrow and Sunday will be a different story entirely.

This past week has gone quickly, and I have tended to sleep as much as possible between obligations.  I found myself watching the entire Twin Peaks series, and I am more than half-way through it.  My husband was randomly watching Fire Walk With Me on Monday.  I dove in.  I haven't really come up since.  Such simple and honest acting, staging, writing....tension, etc.  I love it.  It has been long enough that this rediscovery has been fresh and new.  I can't recommend it more, and it has kept me up late hours.  It is wonderful to watch it all back to back.  It is an amazing and well thought out "film" (if you will--considering the amount of episodes)  that will endure the test of time.

My much-neglected basic life necessities have, once again, come into the light of my vision.  Taxes have been completed, summer camps for my students are being finalized, family visits planned, and social engagements are beginning to joyfully clutter my Spring/Summer calendar.  I even cleaned the counters off in my kitchen with great detail and thoughts of reorganization.  But, as you can probably tell, I am feeling a loss here.

Like you probably understood in my last blog, it is hard sometimes for an actor to lay a character to rest.  If we really enjoy playing a particular character, there is sometimes the secret hope that the show will somehow be extended or other opportunities will come up to play it again.  This is rarely the case, sadly, and I guess it is a rather difficult part of our process.

I have this graveyard in my soul for characters I have played.  There have been so very many over the years.  My years of improvisation have given me tons of wonderful well drawn out characters that have only fleeted for sometimes less than 3 minutes.  I remember them, though.  Not all of them, but the ones who have impacted my life.  It is not a plotted graveyard, just a little bubble in my soul.  I have been thinking about, however, what sort of tombstone my dear Blanche Dubois would receive.  She has been very special to me.  And in an actor's imaginary graveyard, price is no object.  She would be close to the center of it all, I think.  Such power, such beauty, such need for attention. 

I often worry that I may be a handful in my old age and be easily mistaken and drugged for a schizophrenic.  If senility should set in, who knows what character would say what at any given time if my body leaves me to my imagination.  Based on the folks I have played, the range of perspectives is tremendous.  I hope the people who care for me in the case of memory loss will be informed that I am an actress.  Otherwise, great mistakes could be made and I could be sent to court or Jerry Springer for the retribution of some of my more unsavory (yet comedic) stage characters who were more shady and were in need of being found out. 

Back to Blanche:
My posture has improved, I have lost a ton of weight and am eating smaller portions, I am a blonde...I mean, there are some certain aspects, transitions I have made to this particular character that are difficult to consider ever changing back.  I won't probably.  Time will tell.

All this Twin Peaks watching has got me to thinking.  First of all, why on Earth would I find myself watching this series the week after my show closed.  It is very random, isn't it?

Dare I say it?  Blanche had "some" ever-so-positive "Bob" qualities.  She has left me with the memory of living her life--as all characters do, performing her necessary deeds...but she is gone from me now.  Yet, she had to be let go--asked to leave--if not forced out rather than making her own choice to go.  Stanley was eternally correct when he said that "her future is mapped out for her."  I wish she had the strength to make stronger choices, to fight harder...but it is just not in her composition. 

So, I guess I am not finished with My Blanche Dublog.  It is not finished. 

I must tell you that I have friends marrying in New Orleans in May.  I can't wait to let you know of that journey and will post photos.  I will also post photos and perhaps video of the show on here. 

Thank you.  Thank you for reading. 

#24 Goodnight, Lovely Little Lady.

Goodnight, Blanche.

All I have left of you is a flowery handkerchief, a pink dress that has been ripped to pieces, and the memory of walking in your shoes. 

I can now begin to allow your words to slowly fade from my memory.  You can now go back to the beginning of the play with the hope that you possess to rest and breathe easy again.  A new actress will find you there, waiting.

I will miss your voice.  I will miss the way you enjoy articulation to a point of sport.  I will miss seeing the world from your perspective, your intelligence, and your sense of humor.

Thank you for existing. 

What a lovely impact you make on the world, time and time again.  You handle great tragedy with such grace and dignity.  I have truly enjoyed riding your rollercoaster of emotion each night.  Thank you for giving me permission to search my soul for the ability to present you as honestly as I possibly could.

Thank you, Blanche.

Goodnight.




http://youtu.be/nVn3vgBTV80  This is a link to the song, "Goodnight, Lovely Little Lady," performed by Bing Crosby.

#23 All Aboard!

Per the request of my dedicated Director, I have been told to get back to this blog.  Yes, I know, I haven't written since we put the show in front of audiences.  I had intended to write about each performance.  Honestly, I haven't been able to articulate how the shows feel to me.

Including our final dress rehearsal/preview night, we have had nine glorious performances.  This afternoon will mark our last show.  Yes, in just a few hours, I will have to...unBlanche myself.

The performances have been very steady.  We have had no major derailings or delays.  The show is running right on track.  Nearly every performance has been sold out.  That feels nice - even if it is a small theatre that will seat 60 patrons.  We have received many kind words about the production.

There is a scene in the first act where Stanley accuses Blanche of selling the family home in Laurel and keeping all the money.  At the top of that scene, she is "freshly bathed and scented."  During that time, I am in my slip and dressing on the stage (not in the same "room" with Stanley).  I managed to put my dress on backwards one night of opening weekend and had to take the time to turn it around the right way!  The forgiving audience, Stanley, and I shared that moment together.  Then, of course, we moved right on with the scene without feeling odd about it.  I think, strangely enough, it pulled the audience closer to the story.

Another night, I failed to bring on the ever important paper lantern as Stella and Blanche returned from their girl's night out (the night of the poker party).  It is very important that we have the paper lantern, and I didn't realize what I had done until the moment I was to ask Mitch to put it over the light bulb.  I decided in that moment that Blanche had dropped it on the street on the way back...and I went out of the "apartment" and "down the street" off stage to retrieve it from my wonderful stage manager who was there in the wings with the lantern (smiling).  I had friends in the audience who didn't even notice anything was different.  Phew!

We have had some lovely moments together.  The cast.  The crew.  The audiences.  I look forward to being able to begin and finish Blanche's journey once more...in just a few hours.

#22 Tech Tuesday: Crystal Blue Persuasion

Did you hear that sound?  Listen close....  It is the biggest sigh of relief you will have ever heard from me regarding finally getting to where I need to be prior to a show opening. 

The light at the end of the tunnel has shown itself brightly; and here I am, not a moment too soon, ready to bask in all it's glory!  Tonight, Tech Tuesday, of all nights it truly happened for me.  Beginning to end.  Blanche, Blanche, Blanche all the way.  She took over and lived her play just as I had expected.

What a relief!  I can't say that I didn't see it coming.  I am sure it wasn't perfect.  But tonight, the world's worst critic regarding me and Blanche (myself) fell silent in the car on the way home.  At 11:40 PM I got into the car and turned on the radio to hear that lovely song, Crystal Blue Persuasion by The Shondells.  (A link to the song on youtube is:  http://youtu.be/7M0r1iSeiHUIt) couldn't have been more soothing.  No tension in my shoulders.  No beating myself up for missing something stupid.  Just that.  Me and Crystal Blue Persuasion.

I don't even know what I did during tonight's rehearsal.  I was that far gone, for the most part.  Every once in a while I noticed my body trembling or heard my voice say something in a brand new way...but for the most part....I had nothing to do with Blanche tonight.

Of course, we are getting our notes emailed to us.  It is possible the director found my work tonight to be disgustingly terrible, but all I can do right now is feel deep, blessed relief.

She is completely and absolutely here, and I am happy with her. 

The nice thing is that now that she is complete, she can only get better.  I am hoping for magic when we have audiences.  We have one rehearsal left sans audiences, and I am so grateful to have it just to get everything into even a better spot.

So, it has all been worth it.  Every day of me staring at that script.  Every messy spot in my house.  Every researched detail.  Every bit of Blanchersize and Dudiet has paid off.  She is ready to live and breathe once a night for 10 more nights.

She is here!  She is here!  She is here!  And, I'm still here, too.  Still reeling, exhausted, and dizzy from that insane fever-rich flu. 

We are both.

Here.

#21 Tech Sunday

I know, I know.  I haven't written much this week.  Just when things are coming to a head!  Forgive me.  I have had a horrible case of the flu that left me literally bedridden for 3 solid days.  Today was my first day back into not only the world, but back onto the stage for seven hours.  Tech Sunday is just what it implies.   It is the planned longest rehearsal time slated during the rehearsal process, and generally takes several hours depending upon how many lighting changes, set changes, etc. will be made in any given production.  All of these effects are added to the rehearsed show on this day.

I feel a bit shaky, but I think I handled it alright.  I believe the flu gave me an honest and tangible understanding of fragility.  I still need to brush up on some specific words that I get stuck upon and tangled up in while running scenes, but I sincerely have a strong sense that we have a very powerful show on our hands.  We just need to shake the bugs out.

Tech Sunday also marks the beginning of the end.  We will be rehearsing the show nightly now.  And, on Thursday, we will have our preview audience.  So, there are really three rehearsals left.  I need to go over my costume changes, my prop placements, as well as look over the script again and again prior to tomorrow night.  So, this will have to be short.

I just thought it best to check in.  And will you look?  We've had more than 1,000 hits!  Thank you for coming along the journey with me.  I will write more after tomorrow's rehearsal.

Thank you again!!

#20 As The Candle Burns Down

Oh my.  Oh my.  I have been through some shaky rehearsals this week with all my new developing friends.  The set is coming together & at today's rehearsal we even had some of the lighting set up.  It was delightful to work under stage lights as opposed to work lights (work lights are just overhead lights--typically very bright and merciless).  I can't tell you too much about the set, but it looks very neat and uniform.  I can say that.  Costume pieces and hand props--such as purses, gloves, plates, glasses have made their way into the actor's hands.  We all continue to call for "line" from our stage manager who will give us the words we cannot find from the script in the heat of the moment.  Yes, it is coming along.  Banging along the tracks, if you will.

When I took on this role, I didn't truly comprehend the enormity and wealth of lines this character has.  I swear she is on nearly every page.  I began to realize it when I highlighted everything in the sea of orange.  But, I will tell you that I am about to go off the deep end trying to gather all these words into my brain in an organized manner.  It is taking up more time than any character I have ever played, ever.  I have done two person shows, even a one person show...but this!  My.  My.  All I can do is keep at it.  I worry a lot about it, but I try to put the worry to work by pouring that energy into looking at the script.

Physically, I have lost 7 pounds.  That's around a pound a week which isn't too horrible to do to one's body.  However, I have been giving up meals and exercising maybe a bit too much. 

It seems that when I am doing anything other than looking at my script, I feel like I am cheating on Blanche.  It's crazy to think about it this way.  I have a full life here!  I must say that I can run through act one in my head now and am script free.  I still have work to do on act two, for sure.  I have very few rehearsals left prior to tech week and the play's opening.  It's down to the wire. 

Even this blog is taking me away from Blanche, but I do have several readers who have asked me to make sure I let you know what is going on in the thick of things.  Well, here I am, absolutely in the thick of things. 

My house is an absolute mess, I have tears in my eyes a lot after working on the script, my family thinks I am bonkers and too busy to spend time with them.  I am learning what it is like to have a fragile skin...skin more fragile than an eggshell....ready to crack at any moment.  Tenderness, sweetness, and tragedy are making their way into my heart, my voice, and my body.

It's a lot.  I know when I am on and when I am not on in rehearsal.  Today was hard.  I was so easily distracted by all the stuff going on off stage.  Blanche is easily affected by unexpected sounds.  So, anyway...I blew it today.  I am back at the script hard this evening.  Writing to you was my little break, and I am glad to have done it.  I feel better.

Thanks.

#19 Excellent Reference for any Streetcar production.

 http://www.turgingsomedrama.com/streetcar/streetcarbackground.htm

http://www.bookrags.com/notes/snd/OBJ.html

Soup to nuts!

#18 Reality of Unreality Becoming Reality

I have changed.

This is my 18th blog, and I interestingly have similar feelings I experienced when I was actually 18. 

Blanche is clearly manifesting.  We are growing up.

After rereading my blogs, I suddenly feel as if I have treated you like Blanche would treat strangers...carefully, topically and honestly--without full disclosure of her capacity of emotional depth.  I have touched on it: the truth of what is going on in my journey, with you.  I have even charmed the idea of a reality where I am truly going in this process as I write to you, a little.  But.  I suddenly find myself in a new place where I feel I can begin to express what is really going on.  I am now ready to step onto the high wire--the razor's edge, so to say...no net, no shaving cream.  I now plan to thrust my trust onto you, and honestly share the complexity of my human actor mind.

Thus, I must become even more candid with you and not skirt around my true feelings.  I never thought I was dishonest previously, but I look back at my journey on this Streetcar line and realize the superficial way in which I approached you as well as my character.  Forgive me.  I was thinking about writing, being the writer for this blog.  I had also given myself that wall of protection and anonymity I have given everyone that is working on this particular show.  I will now allow my wall to come down regardless of the results.  However, I feel I should continue to maintain the anonymity of everyone else working on the show right now.

I took yesterday off from my new and only constant eyesight, the script.  Looking at one so much as I have is beginning a complete transformation (not in real life, but as I rehearse) new posture, breathing energy, my speech patterns in addition to my heart-rate while engaged in Blanche: all new challenges I must put my body through.  Yes.  Blanche is taking hold.  Don't worry, I won't go Black Swan on you...although I purposely did not see that film because of the delicate situation in which I have been placed.  I get it.  All actors...performers of all kind go through a process of discovery prior to the final product that is presented--hence my reason to write this blog.  Some feel it more strongly than others.  I trust that no one walks away from any character they have played unchanged.

I spent a good deal of time yesterday pouring through antique and thrift shops for inspiration.  Even though being off book is so important, it is equally wise to get away from it and take in what the Universe has to offer to you during this process.  One shop in particular shocked me with the song Paper Moon quietly blaring nicely throughout it's cluttered and easy-to-get-lost-in maze of objects.  It was Gene Austin singing.  What synchronicity!  And, speaking of music, I must note to you that my musical taste has changed tremendously.  Hole has moved to the back seat and in their place now sits the great classical composers.  It is naturally easier to feel like Blanche and in my element with violins among other fine instruments crying, begging softly to be heard and understood in my now-a-day all-things-classical sound scape.

I have also been seeking and watching all films of the 1930's and 1940's from which the actresses would have affected Blanche so severely.  Gotta love the old black and whites!  I always have.  Looking at them through the eyes of Blanche helps me to realize how she tries to mimic the greats.  Tennessee William drops clues in his scripts about the characters likes/dislikes.  Again, he tells us so much if we just pay attention.  I would appreciate your suggestions on films to watch as well as music of this era.
 
Here I am, getting closer and closer to fully becoming a Blanche that has not yet been seen nor will ever be seen again, and I am sometimes afraid to look at the script.  Isn't that nuts?  I do it, regardless of the affect it has on me physically, emotionally, and spiritually.  I know her better every time and it is harder and more uncomfortable because I am realizing the exact demands that are required in which to play this character correctly.  Such an acting challenge has truly not been laid before me previously.  Here is where the completely different creature gets scientifically mixed with/by the actor.  I must glow & flutter, I must talk differently, I must be affected by others differently, feel life in a new way.  She is in a very different place and era than I am.  I contemplate how to play this within the constraints of my modern life-experience and physical build.  I have to just go there or sometimes let her just come to me. 

She is fluttering around me.  I can tell when I do or say something right.  I get gold stars on my Blanche chart.  I can see it happening.  I'm an actor, folks.  We have vivid imaginations...or do we see and show the imagined?  I think the latter.  We are the tools of the playwrights.  Yes, though, I admit we do have active imaginations.  It's a necessary part of being an actor.

I think about how I delivered my lines during the previous rehearsals & the obvious realizations that have finally begun to poor into me lately.  I feel like I could mop the floor with what I was doing previously even though I thought that was really close to what Blanche is...I was so wrong.  I have traveled nowhere near where I can and should be...and will go with proper direction.  I see I can do so very much more.  I can make it more real, true.  I am on my way to the goal to really become her for the entire length of the play without my personal take on how she should be at any point during the show.  There won't be room for my opinion.

She is taking over.  Not all the time, she is like a Genie in the bottle that I am getting more and more comfortable calling out...because I tell you, Blanche Dubois is really something special and beautiful.  I'm still not sure about what she can do through me, though.  I am opening myself up to let her have at it. 

My Blanche is still very raw right now, but she truly has a strong and fast heartbeat.  She is tremendous.  And, regardless of how conniving others think she may be, I truly do not see her this way. I really don't.  She is a brilliant soul who has clearly and tragically lost her way. 

I really appreciate your reading this blog.  Thanks so much!  I am loving the feedback I get outside of this blog.  Please let me, all of us know what your ideas/questions are. 

#17 The Lost One...Lost In The Process

Not a blog with the flow and caliber in which I have presented previously but a series of facts instead follows--based on my place right now:

Tomorrow, we hit the stage free of our prosthetic extension called the script.  That is Blanchy terminology for being OFF BOOK.  We are working through Act 2 and Act 3.  I do not know all my lines.  I do know what is going on with my character, but I do not know my words right now...for everything...this is very frustrating....

24 days left until Opening Night.

I googled Blanche Dubois.  Sure there are a ton of impersonators, but there are also some lovely sites that will give any actor (or anyone) an in depth summary of a character...such as, spark notes.
http://www.sparknotes.com/lit/streetcar/canalysis.html  ...this will be helpful if you really want to get a good idea of what I am embarking upon.

There is a wine from DuBois that I saw in the wine shop the other day.  I must get my hands upon this soon.

I have been blonde for a month now & already need to get more "work" done on the color.   I do not miss the constant maintenance a person who has fake hair color must endure.  Yet, I feel pretty good about the color...most seem to love it...and I have pretty honest friends.  I may have even received a double take or two that I used to get years ago...now that I am blonde.  So, this is entertaining.

I am a parent & have had the youth home basically for two weeks straight with sickness which does not bode well for an actress who wants to rehearse her character aloud.  I have been very, very busy playing a variety of roles and not enough Blanche lately.

Again, tomorrow, I have to have 50 pages of dialogue within which several monologues are embedded.  I wanted to write something on here to let you know what is going on because I do get a lot of status requests from you folks.  I am really putting myself into getting these lines just right because it simply will not flow if even a word is off.  It is an amazing challenge.

I am worried, stressed, as well as understanding more and more about Blanche and how she should be played as the play progresses.  And I am hopeful that I can be where I need to be tomorrow.  Off book on act two and three. 

Thanks for reading!  I am so close to being off book that we will soon begin the new chapter of onstage discoveries during rehearsal...I CANNOT WAIT...Send me memory luck.

#Sweet 16: Feverish Memorization

"They told me to take a streetcar named Desire, transfer to one called Cemetery, ride 6 blocks and get off at Elysian Fields."  These are the first words my character utters in disbelief that life could have brought her to such a destitute place...where her sister, as soon revealed, has clearly rejected their fine upbringing and flourishes in the little that is around her. 
1.  Desire (verb: to want in a sensual/passionate way)
2.  Cemetery (noun: location for the dead)
3.   Elysian  (adjective: blissful/delightful)

Way to set up a character, eh?   Well.  It does say it all.  These particular words, the chosen language...sets up Blanche from beginning to end.  She lost her husband, took care of her elders until they died--as best a well raised upper class lady could-hopelessly and helpless.  Then she lost the house and land (because she wasn't properly trained financially and wasn't able to afford uninsured and multiple deaths with a teacher's salary).  She thus turned to men for affection and money...lost it all..herself, her dignity, the last of her wealth.  Lost and hopeless, she then went to her younger sister Stella's (who had fled home as a teen) to live.  Here she gained hope of an undignified but kindhearted  possible mate and marriage to him on a gamble in the lowest of possible terms.  Once this possible exit/happy ending/positive future is set in motion, her past is found out and blabbered by her brother in law, Stanley...She is slowly destructed by him--mentally and physically and basically goes nuts.  How wonderful for a story to be set up in only a few words.  Again, hats off to Mr. Williams.

My script exploded.  It literally fell to pieces.  I'm loving the irony.  I am thankful to Mitch for making a copy of his script.  I've been busy with the highlighter once again.

I have less than a week to try my best to be off book.  I can say that I probably have nearly 30% of my lines memorized.  I hope I can get more time to myself to get it all done.  This part, getting off book, is the devil's work.  It can be a loving process where we self-reward ourselves along for getting a few words down at a time.  That's how I'm doing this.  Or we can beat ourselves to death because we don't know our lines.  I do this, too.  Naturally. 

I begin at the beginning.  Add some lines, go back...begin from the beginning again until I have the entire scene down.  With Blanche and this play...it is much easier for me to do this in order of scenes rather than the random way in which we are working through scenes during our actual rehearsals.  For instance, last night we did the very last scene first; then jumped to scene 3 toward the beginning.  It has to be hard for the director to manage getting all the cast well rehearsed when you have 3 main characters...but in a show which every single person is very important no matter how little the characters say where the group scenes are few and far between.

It takes time and investment to memorize.  I have had to sit around on my can much more lately--just to take in the script and exercise my mind getting it committed to memory.  However, once off book, I can run like the wind and say my lines as I go.  It's kind of fun to do one's character that way.  Once I know my script, I can start at the top of the show & say all my lines while showering, doing dishes, driving, etc.  Always making new discoveries.  Like Kastanza:  "These PRETZELS are making me thirsty...no, wait:  THESE pretzels are making me THIRSTY!" and so on.  Once I get act one down (I believe in a matter of days) I can take it on the run.  I look forward to having that confidence.

For now....I sit...I read...I look up...I go back...I sit...I read...I look up...say it...I see if it is correct...good/bad...I sit...I read...I say it...I see if it's correct/wrong...I go back...I add another line.

And such are these days.

Ever been there?  Advice accepted below.

#15 "a fake so real I'm beyond fake" -C. Love

 Nine days. 

Nine days until I am supposed to be off book.  (Off Book = completely memorized,  and without the script in hand during rehearsal...if we get lost, we call "line" so that the stage manager will tell us our line to continue us on our journey throughout the scene).  The date has been set for March 1st.  I have 12 monologues and 100 pages of dialogue to memorize before then...much less with blocking as well as intentions for each line/scene...ugh.

Surprising to me, I have found myself listening to the band, Hole.  A lot.  A tremendous amount of the time.  I guess I see the connection.  When I first started this blog, I heard one of their songs while I watched a "long parade to the graveyard" in front of me in beautiful, sad snow one morning.  Since then, I have been finding myself listening to Hole more than I listen to the news.  I am a big fan of the news.  So this is significant.  I have to let it happen with the understanding that something has to be needed here.  In life, as well as when developing characters, we have to always be aware of what our Universe is sending to us.  We have no choice but to simply acknowledge and appreciate what we receive, then cultivate it.  Otherwise, what's the point?

You must understand that liking/listening to Hole is almost like cheating on Kurt Cobain.  It's like cheating on the whole grunge movement  and every wonderful band in it....to listen to Cortney Love like I have been.  She is sort of like the enjoying Plastic Joan and being a member of  improvland.  Yet, I have to say...Hole is pretty good.  Sorry.  It's true.  It is a band with a message.  They deliver their song in every song: "I was hurt, I see what is going on."  It is always nice to listen to bands that understand their message.  I can see how Blanche, in modern day, would be tantalized by Hole.  I'm letting her have it.  I'm riding along as the actor as I let Blanche somewhat drive the...streetcar..if you will, for a while..  Ms. Love lost a young husband who was a poet as well...I see why the Blanche part of me wants to listen to her band.  I think, perhaps, had Blanche known how to play guitar, her outcome would have been quite different..yet, sort of the same.

So, anyway, I have around 12 monologues to learn plus all that dialogue of 100 pages.  Sigh.  I don't know how to tackle such a project.  Again, I am not in an Equity Union show.  I am scrapping time together to get this baby going for free.  I am trying right now to nail down those speeches...and am keeping the dialogue as secondary..but that's not right for my fellow actors, is it?  I don't know.  I had a rehearsal today with Stanley and Stella.  It was so surprising and lovely to look into each other's eyes in those moment when we didn't need our scripts as we were on that stage as our characters.  We have a fine show brewing, I can say.  I love the investment ....I saw the characters instead of the actors--face to face if only for little snippets of time.  It will be easy to get lost in Blanche onstage with these folks.

"A fake so real I'm beyond fake"  this is a lyric from a Hole song which could easily apply to Blanche.
 I will take this lyric to bed and cradle it along with my lines tonight.

#14 Underground

I am continuing to struggle through the darkness of line-learning and have no sight at all to the end of the tunnel.  At this point, I should consider digging for gold with my bare hands because I feel my headlamp requires batteries that were not included and can only be found as I work my way through.  Digging for gold, that's exactly what I have been doing, actually. 

The way Tennessee Williams writes!  He is so very alive in his work.  He tells me when to pause and think...and often, when to move.  I am so thankful to be under his watchful eye.  And, again, I am thrilled that my director understands the intentions of my character in any given scene.

Blanche is really coming to life for me perhaps to the dismay of my family and fellow cast members.  I may be over the top, over accented, annoying...I don't know.  Ya gotta start somewhere.  I just have to try out things and experiment in the actor's science lab at this point....but I have hit close to home on her voice now.  It is coming, and I feel pretty genuine in a lot of it.  I hear her in my head.  It is a voice that I have found through reading aloud and not from watching other actresses portray her. (I will have to dive in deeper into accents in another blog)

It has been difficult to not allow myself to look up prior productions, even the movie of this play.  An actress in this situation cannot look at what has been done but must find everything for herself.  Yes.  Yes, it would be so easy to watch how the others...the greats if you will...have played Blanche.  If I watch it, I fall victim to their way and lose my own.  How could I ever make Blanche my own if I look at how others play her?  It is true that many years ago, I did take in/view several versions of Streetcar.  Yet, my eye has always been cast keenly on Stella and not Blanche, so I find discovering this character very fresh and new.

Over the years, I have spent a lot of time avoiding the main parts in shows.  I have always preferred playing the funny, smaller parts (if not  a variety of multiple parts within any given show).  When I think about it now, I realize that during rehearsals that I never held resentment for anyone with more lines..it has never mattered to me.  I have always felt pretty well suited for any part in which I have been cast.  I know, however, when an actor is up there on the stage for the entire rehearsal and you have only a couple of lines in a show and have to sit until it's your cue, how it can be.  When you play a lead and you know the entire cast is waiting for that one scene they are in and how long it will take to get there.  It is best to save your topic of conversation you have planned to discuss with the stage manager or the director to take place later and not during everyone's waiting time.  Just thinking about that for some reason.

Tonight, we "stumbled through" the second half of the play.  A "stumble through" does not mean that we all go out and have drinks prior to the rehearsal, it means that we work through the scenes--looking for fluidity--trying to read our random blocking notes we have scribbled quickly in pencil in the exterior of the body of the script on the pages that sometimes can be much worse than a doctor's penmanship.  So we have to stop and start scenes...sometimes even reblock things.  It is very important to have a pencil in your pocket or in your hair during these. 

Generally right after blocking, a theatre will rarely have a set built with the objects with which the actors will work.  We improvise these doors, sofas, glasses, tables...all this with the understanding of where every object has already been blocked onto the stage.  Sometimes we get it taped out on the floor as well.  It's sometimes hard to visualize how it will look especially with the added burden of having the script in your hand.  It is fun to watch the set be created a little more each rehearsal, though.  It grows and completes just as our characters fall into place.  Bit by bit.

When I have a character with several lines, such as Blanche, I turn to my old-timey mini-cassette recorder.  I record all the other character's lines around the blank spaces where as I can fill in my lines.  I prefer to do it this way because when alone I can experiment approaching delivering my lines in new ways within that space.  Being able to constantly respond to my other actor's words over and over helps me to decide what works and what doesn't. 

I have vowed to no longer drink theatre coffee because I have found myself up very, very late the past few nights.  I have been leaving full of energy and ready to take on the script into late night wrestling matches after rehearsals this week.  Maybe it's okay, but I do have to work tomorrow.  So I will go and try to calm my brain.  

Comment if you desire.

#13 It's Only Lyrics To Paper Moon

http://listen.grooveshark.com/#/s/It+s+Only+A+Paper+Moon/2EXU7K

Blanche sings this in the tub while Stanley is telling Stella that he has found out that she has a checkered past.  When the transition of the show takes place and she is found out.  This is what he has her singing in the tub while her possible future, her world is torn to pieces.

I never feel a thing is real
When I'm away from you
Out of your embrace
This world's a temporary parking place

a bubble for a minute...mmm mmmh
You Smile
The bubble has a rainbow in it

Say It's only a paper moon
sailing over a cardboard sea
but it wouldn't be make believe
if you believed in me

Yes it's only a canvess sky
hanging over a muslen tree
but it wouldn't be make believe
if you believed in me

Without your love
it's a honkey tonk parade
Without your love
it's a melody played in a penny arcade

its a barnamum and baily world
just as phoney as it can be
but it wouln't be make believe
If you believed in me

Yes it's only a canvas sky
hanging over a muslen tree
but it wouldn't be make believe
if you believed in me

without your love
its a honkey tonk parade
without your love
its a melody played
In a penny arcade

its' a barnamum and bailey world
just as phoney as it can be
but it wouldn't be make-believe
if you believed in me

#12 It's Tuesday, Honestly.

Feeling taxed today.

Last night, I fell asleep with droopy eyes over the loose pages of my script.  I guess Dramatists (the publisher) could maybe consider using a printer with better binding glue because 1/3 of my pages have fallen out of my script...all the way up to page 27.  It is a sign that I need to be working faster to get off book, I suppose.  Regardless, it is a pain in the neck for me to try to keep up with all the pages much less have them in order... (Off book = memorized and not in need of dragging a script around the stage)

I awoke with half my head clogged and my lower back in the sort of pain that I only experienced in pregnancy.  I presume this has to do with walking around in 2.5" heels for days as well as challenging myself with Blanchersizing.  Regardless, it wasn't easy to physically accomplish the overloaded schedule I had for today...but I made it work.  I finished it up with a 2.5 hour rehearsal in which we went over our blocking for the first half of the play.

Even though I am working so hard at memorizing, I felt like an idiot when I delivered any of my lines tonight (and there are plenty of them) because I wasn't focused on what I was saying more so than where I should be on the stage and how the heck I could get there with my back in this condition.  I thought my voice sounded insincere and my body was far from Blanche moves--I'm wearing my granola-muncher Earth Shoes tonight to help my poor back & I know I seem so very short to everyone.  It is done, now, though, and I can eventually hit the heating pad.  I can take some solace in the fact this is volunteer work.  However, paid or not, this phase can really "get" to an actor when in the memorization process.  Sure, we are making discoveries as we learn out lines...discoveries regarding where our characters are really coming from and what kind of vocal and physical projection to make at any moment...but we are also ready to literally sling the script across the room because it sits there in our hands.  It's the newly grown limb that we think we no longer need but can't quite let go of until we know our lines by heart.

So, anyway, in case you were curious: no.  It is not all wine and roses.  It is work.  A labor of love...and we silently...sometimes vocally beat ourselves up for not knowing our lines.  That was my tonight, and hopefully I will be better prepared for the second half of the play on Thursday.

And that's the truth.





 

#11 The Blanchening

We have been through some severe cold weather of late, and today finally begins some thawing.  I am hoping to possibly see earth reveal her muddy self as all this snow melts off this week. I miss seeing the ground, but maybe it will help me as Blanche.  Perhaps, by Friday, I can get the heels outside the house for Blanche-Walking practice.

Many things have happened in Blancheland this week.  I am sorry to have not made it to My Blanche Dublog until now because so much has happened, but that's how it goes.  Among other things, I have been measured for costumes, have run out of fancy bubble bath, have had my hair colored blonde, and have just finished up our forth rehearsal.

Costume Measuring:
When you are...over twenty...at times, this can be a somewhat unnerving process if you let it be one.  I have given birth, so I always have to keep this in mind as I get measured and remember my former measurements prior to such an assault on the body (but with lovely souls as results!).  Luckily, I am blessed with a costumer who has the exact same idea/eye/concept/landscape for Blanche.  The colors will be wonderful!  She and I both see flowing, clear fabrics or the "soft colors like a butterfly's wings."  I am hoping to adjust the size a smidge within the next 6 weeks.  I AM working on it!  Oh, and she found this absolutely fabulous long flowing satin peach robe for me.  I am thrilled!  I seriously can't wait to twirl around in it.  It has Blanche written all over it.  That's the thing, sometimes the costume can really pull a character together for an actor.  In my experience, and I have had a great deal of all sorts, I find that sometimes I can search and search for a character and never find it until I wear their clothes...walk in their shoes--if you will.  This is not the case with Blanche, though.   We knew immediately when the outfits "fit" her once they were on.  Again, I am blessed with a very smart lady who knows her costumes!

Running out of fancy bubble bath:
I have run out of fancy bubble bath.  Tomorrow is Valentine's Day.  I hope my reserves will be replenished because it is a very perfect time to be in need for fancy chemical free bath suds.  I will probably head out on my own to get that. 

Chemicals added:
Yes, YES!  I have done THE deed.  Indeed I have become a blonde by going to a salon (that uses plant based color).  I will post before and after photos soon, very soon.  I will likely have to dedicate an entire blog entry to it.  From the reactions I am getting from others, it works with my skin tone...which is fantastic!  Some have even said that I should keep it through the summer just to have some fun.  It has been 48 hours...we'll see.

Rehearsal:
The blocking for the entire (three act) show is nearly complete.
If you are not a theatre type, you should know that actors are indeed physically athletic...as well as mentally, and emotionally athletic.  When regarding the physical, blocking is our overall game plan.  Our coach, the director, gives us a play by play outline of our movements for every part of the game, our play.  The technical definition of blocking: to plan out or work out the movements of performers in a play.  I and many believe, also, that we also need to come at our characters with specific physicality.  For instance, this week I am working on Blanche's center of gravity.  Where does this woman come from in a physical stance?  I see her feet barely touching the ground...so it's not the feet...therefore I am playing with where she is coming from, physically, as well.  Is it the chin?  The stomach, etc.  This is what an actor asks herself.  I am currently working with the chin, elbows, chest, nose, and neck...right now.  I think a lot of her is all at the top.  Of course, like everything in this process, I may very well change my mind.
Other Things:
I continue to constantly read through the play and am plowing through memorization.  When I say plow, I mean that.  Memorization for the actor is much like farming.  We read the play, we look at our part, we consider the gist of what we are saying in any given section, then we get in there and plant the seeds of the words/emotions/physicality/blocking-movements into our minds and souls...one letter, one word, one feeling at a time.  We then constantly revisit these seeds so that they grow in familiarity until we know them by heart and they are ripe and ready to be harvested and distributed to the audience. 
I am doing this one word, one phrase, one sentence at a time.  I think I will be in very good shape in about two weeks.  I hope it is sooner because the sooner an actor learns their lines, the sooner they can play in the world of the character.  It is very much like the imaginative world of Toby in The Velveteen Rabbit.  Toby really knows how to create an environment and play within it.  I like Toby.  What a story.

Okay, so there it is.  The week for Blanche Dubois in a nutshell.  I have exactly 39 days prior to...the harvest.

I have been thinking about my most recent blog (#10) a lot as well.  I have spoken to some folks (some high school English teachers, some actors, and some directors who know Tennessee Williams) on my concept...thus, I will say that I am considering looking at this monologue as possibly a polished story of Blanche's which has been performed prior to sharing it with Mitch...but....I'm still not sure.  I think there is something more there.

Opinions?!

Thank you so very much for following!

#10 Time of unrest with my laurels.

We fell victim to a blizzard this week.  Most everything slowed down enough to give people a moment to take that rare look at themselves in clarity.  This is what happens when life gives us a glimmer of extra time which usually comes suddenly and without avoidance.  Time to just sit and be still without premeditated meditation.  When this occurs, we have the option to reflect, then to regret or to correct.

This play is Blanche's blizzard moment, and it lasts for roughly seven months.  The facts, however, are right in front of her; and she is forced to play the game so carefully with possible catastrophic results.  Each move could be her last, she feels.  Her only solace is found in hot baths and in alcohol.  She, being as helpless has she has become, relies upon these two things so desperately. 

I have been memorizing her speech to Mitch regarding her marriage to her young husband and his death.  During the first few readings, I saw it differently than I do now.  My opinion has also changed regarding her behavior with the young newspaper collector.  (I will have to save that opinion for another blog..) 

Knowing this story, as it is a classic, I never suspected that her husband may have been a continued victim of an older male predator.  I know, right?  Am I nuts to think this?  This theory revealed itself to me as I went over and over the monologue.  She says that he needed her help.  I thought that this had to do with him simply being a homosexual.  This fact alone would certainly place a newleywed female in a difficult state of unrest.  But there is this series of lines Blanche has that really makes me question what was going on with her husband.  Considering this has given me an entire new level of complexity that could be possible for this character.

I want to share this with you.  Here is a section of the speech, as written by Tennessee Williams:
Blanche:
.... But I was unlucky.  Deluded.  There was something different about the boy, a nervousness, a softness, tenderness which wasn't like a man's although he wasn't the least bit effeminate looking--still--that thing was there... He came to me for help.  I didn't know that.  I didn't find out anything until after our marriage when we'd run away and come back and all I knew was I'd failed him in some mysterious way and wasn't able to give him the help he needed but couldn't speak of!  He was in the quicksands clutching at me--but I wasn't holding him out, I was slipping in with him!  I didn't know that.  I didn't know anything except I loved him unendurable but without being able to help him or help myself."

Prior to what she says above, she tells Mitch that she was 16 years old when this happened.  She goes on to say, after the above excerpt, that she discovers "the boy I married and an older man who had been his friend for years" in a room together.  Mr. Williams leaves the imagery of this discovery wide open for the imagination.  He gives no other details than the fact that they were in the room together.

Her husband soon ends his life because, she feels, of what she said to him regarding how she felt about her discovery.  I almost feel like she truly didn't understand what what going on and has since realized her mistake.  This is unbearable for her.

What do you think?

#9 Blanche: In A Nutshell

Poor Blanche.  Poor, poor Blanche. 

Here is the sketch of this person, if you will, as drawn out by Tennessee Williams:

September 1917: 
She was born in Laurel, Mississippi to a prominent but soon to be falling-on-hard-times Southern family.

1933: 
At age 16, she falls into blind, mad love and runs away to marry a young, handsome homosexual who has a talent for writing poetry.  Within the first year of marriage, she discovers him with his lover.  That night she confronts him at a dance, he runs outside and shoots himself dead.  It seems clear that after this, she moves back home to her home, Belle Reve, in Laurel.

1937:
Age 20.  Her father dies.  Her only sibling, a younger sister aged 15, strikes out on her own while Blanche stays behind.

Between 1937 and 1947: 
She finishes college having apparently dated only one man since her husband's death, named
Shep Huntleigh, with whom it didn't work out.  She ends up becoming a high school English instructor who teaches "Hawthorne and Whitman and Poe"...which must slowly and continuously feed her sorrow and loneliness and remind her of her lost love.
The death toll at home rises also during these years:  Her mother dies after her father,  then Margaret (I believe/assume to be the maid...not sure), then her Cousin Jessie.  She is running out of money and eventually loses Belle Reve to a bank seizure because of an unpaid loan.  She is forced to move into a rat trap hotel where she spends lots of time drinking and with men while managing to keep her job.  I believe this "lowly" behavior began because there was an army base located on the outskirts of town, and the men walked past Belle Reve on their way into and from town to get drunk.  Blanche adores attention and to be flattered...and that's just what she got from these men on any given weekend.  I think that acting this way was just something that, out of need, developed into a habit and eventually ruined her and her reputation.  Finally, she goes kind of bananas and is foolish enough to develop "relations" with a student.  She is then, naturally, asked to leave town with nowhere to go and no money.

1947: 
Age 30.  After being kicked out of Laurel, she goes to stay with her sister (for about 6 months) in a two room apartment in the French Quarter in New Orleans.  Her sister has "embellished a little" about the size of her home and the conditions in which she lives.  Blanche is blown away at the destitute situation and feels absolutely helpless.  She meets Stella's husband who doesn't like her drinking habit or her "uppity" influence on Stella.  She meets one fella, Mitch, who could potentially marry her and save her from any future misery.  Unfortunately, Stella's husband, Stanley finds out about her checkered past and reveals this information to Mitch which ruins the relationship.  Stanley then rapes her, lies about it, and sends her to the crazy house.

This is where the story ends.  I get to fill in the blanks.  Any suggestions?

What do you think?

#8 The Gathering

So, it has begun.  Last night was our first read-thru!  It was a true pleasure to meet new folks and familiarize myself with this theatre.  I haven't worked in this particular venue as of yet and have heard great things about it from actors who have.  I can see that everyone: the producers, the director, the stage managers, the set designer and builders, the costumer...all the way down to the actors working on this project will give this production 100%.  All the plans are well laid, and this is a good thing.  I have worked in some theatre where I found myself acting around drying stage paint during opening nights, and I'd rather not be in a situation like that playing Blanche.  No, this is certainly not going to be a production like Spiderman, the Musical.  Phew.

As predicted, the coffee was on the burner.  I just love that all theatres do this.  It is a natural and necessary element of rehearsal. 

We then introduced ourselves and received our director's vision.  I have to say that I already feel comfortable and safe under this director.  He understands Tennessee Williams, his life, and the metaphors that are reflected in Streetcar.  Our director envisions the experience of the play, I believe, true to Mr. Williams' intentions.  Intimate.  Raw.  Honest.

Just so you know, in addition to his plays, Tennessee wrote his own biography entitled Memoirs.  There are also a plethora of biographies written about him and his life that are worth the reading.  There are festivals all over the place that continue to celebrate his work.  This playwright will truly never die.  I should hope that anyone who reads his words develops an intimate relationship with him.  It is not hard to do.  It is a good idea for actors to research their playwright.  It helps to get a better idea of exactly why their characters exist in the first place.

Oh, I am so very thrilled to be under the direction of someone who understands Tennessee Williams!

We then read through the play.  Actually, it felt more like me running my mouth for two straight hours.  Not uncommon, if you know me, but this was different.  Words fly out of Blanche like a migrating flock of birds disperses on hearing a gunshot.  To consistently captivate and engage will be a challenge.  It's been done before, though, with great success. 

I just have to keep trusting.

#7 So It Starts.

The first read-thru with the full cast is scheduled for tomorrow night!!  If you've never done a play, a read-thru is the first time the cast sits down together to read through the entire script out loud together.  We get to meet everyone in the cast as well as hear the director's vision for the production.  It's a really fun and electric event as it marks the beginning of our journey together as a group. 

Also, on the schedule, is my hair coloring event.  It will take place on the afternoon of February 23rd. 
Oh Boy!  This will give my body some time to get to where it needs to be prior to the Blanchening.

I did more unmentionable exercise and healthy eating today.  My favorite activities as of now are hula hoop, jump rope and Pilates isolations.  Like I said...pretty dull stuff.  Yet, it's got to be done.

I've also been working on Blanche's monologue regarding Stanley the morning after he hits Stella (while she is carrying a child, no less!  Jerk!).  It's a real tongue twister.  Back to it.

I look forward to sharing how the read through goes tomorrow night!

#6 The Moth

Okay.  So, here we are one week from the day I took the part of Blanche Dubois.  As you have read, you know that I have had my nose in the script.  I have also been exercising like a vine-swinging monkey.  This is not because I am vain (though it will be nice to drop some weight).  It has nothing to do with that, actually.  It's just that, the more I read the script, the more I realize why all  the waif-like, blonde chicks are cast in this role.  Here are a just a few discoveries I have made:

1.  Tennessee Williams refers to her movements as fluttering and moth-like. 
2.  She states that she is a Virgo: The Virgin (giving the illusion of white, purity)
3.  She is vain.  Her "passion is clothes" and her "little weakness" is a constant need to receive compliments.
4.  She is constantly repainting her harsh reality with vivid imagery of what she wants it to be like.

She also hates being in bright light...which is very interesting.  What kind of a moth doesn't seek, desire the light?  One that is fading.  Man, don't you just love Mr. Williams?  He has given me an animal to help me see my character, he has given me her astrological sign, and he has taught me that I need to be very prissy and constantly creative as Blanche. 

Also, though, I need to drop a few pounds and go blonde.  I am waiting for a call back from the salon.  I am lucky to have a friend who is a hair expert.  She says that it will probably take about 5 hours to get to the right color.  I'm hoping to go ahead and get this done on Friday.  Is that not CRAZY??  But, like I have said before, I can't be flying around the stage and tossing my head back and all this with a wig on my head.  That would be lame and too confining. 

I have also busted out the dusty high heels to practice walking around in them with ease.  Where I live, it's pretty much snow boots all the way this time of year which will give one a lumberjack walk if we don't take care.  :)

I think I'll go paint my nails.

#5 The Why.

I am not getting paid to play Blanche. 

I am volunteering a ton of time to do a part in a play which will actually only be presented to audiences a total of nine times.  I may even go so far as to have my dark brown hair colored blonde because I don't think I could play this particular character in a wig.  Most actors would probably not fork out cash they don't have to color their hair; but they absolutely and happily will spend their evenings, week after week, at the theatre.

Theatres generally don't have windows.  It's dark inside.  Regardless of where you are on the planet, it is usually cold when you walk in to rehearsal; and it will become nice and toasty just in time for you to leave.  Sometimes there is coffee already made and we start with a fresh cup to sip our way through our three hour rehearsal (when you are volunteering and not in a professional production).  This goes on generally for a month and a half prior to opening night.  We miss the TV shows, sporting events, etc. that are the topic at the office the following mornings at what we call our "day jobs."

Some actors do this for fun, some because they are lonely and want to be around like-minded individuals.  Some just want to get on a stage so the world can see how attractive they think they are, and some just want to try something new.  Some believe in their hearts that a famous producer will come see their show and they will soon be swept away to fame and fortune.  Some do it because they understand that this is a craft and an entire lifetime is not long enough to become absolutely perfect at it.

These are only a handful of reasons why actors take the leap of faith.

I, at different points in my life, have probably been guilty of any or all of these.  It didn't take me long, however, to realize that there is a lot more to acting.  A whole lot.  There is no way a person can not learn something or grow as a person with every new production. 

It has occurred to me that I may be taking this role way to seriously.  But, then I tell myself these things:

I do not appear, physically, as this character.  I can really dive in and see if I have it in myself to transform my image to play it. 

I have always, always loved the poetry of Tennessee Williams.  I am so excited to have time in my life to be able to speak this poetry day in and out...if for only a few short weeks.  The language itself, to perform as it is written, is a very important element to consider.  Other playwrights don't 'demand' their words to be spoken rhythmically.  One absolutely has to heed every dash, every comma, when reading this aloud.  He makes it easy for us...if we take the time to memorize this punctuation along with the words.  This interests me.

Now, believe me, I could become  laughing stock.  I really could.  Like I said, I am a short brunette who is a little thick around the middle.  What if I can't get there emotionally?  What if I look like a phony?  What if I forget a line of dialogue?  I don't have the proper training to do this well!  What if the actors have no chemistry?  What if...What if...

BUT, when it comes down to it, I love a challenge.  This part truly fell out of the sky.  When offered it, I thought is was the craziest thing I had ever heard.  Sometimes the universe sends things that we cannot question.  So, I have no choice but to just trust it.  This is why I am doing it.

#4 Listen To The Music

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v0CYB5V9e64&ob=av2el
This is the video from the song I mention below.

I was driving this morning.  It was pouring down snow and I was somewhat concerned about my timing of arrival to one of my several mini-jobs when I came upon a standard stop light.  I suddenly saw flashing lights and the long, dreaded line of cars sporting weak, droopy flags that quickly revealed itself as a train of tears for it's beloved dead.  I saw the long, weary faces of it's drivers as it slowly poured into the intersection before me and snaked away quickly into the direction from which I had come. 

At the same moment, on the radio came a very rare and random playing of the song, "Malibu," by the band, Hole.  I've always kind of dug this song...had forgotten about it...and the lyrics could not be more tailored to the given circumstances of Blanche.

She, Blanche, has stayed in her hometown to deal with and help out all her elders pass on to the other side for a decade while her one and only younger sibling, Stella, has been gone and in New Orleans.  It is mentioned that Stella only made it home for the funerals.  I see Blanche on any given day going to her job as a high school English teacher & then running home to the house of death to care for the dying in her family...to change bedding or to feed or to comfort.  She had to escape these harsh circumstances somehow.  I don't blame Blanche one bit for finding ways to cope with this constant level of intense stress. 

In my old copy of the script, Blanche sings specific songs...hears a certain song in her head over and over...dances to songs, etc.  I believe listening to a well chosen stream of music will add to the development of my Blanche.  It is always nice to have a collection to add to an Ipod or a streaming online site...or whatever to inspire.  Music can and will inspire an actor just like the Bee Gees will inspire a person's body to have the correct heart beat coming out of heart surgery or a Nine Inch Nails tune will inspire one to love passionately or Metallica can inspire one to give up on life and slowly fade away in their mother's basement....etc.
 
Just a couple of weeks ago, a fine and observant acquaintance said to me to open up to what the universe has to say.  She actually told me to take more baths...that being submerged in the fluid element of water will help me.  That could have been a lack of deodorant on my behalf at the time or perhaps she was speaking the truth.  A favorite writer of mine, Charles Bukowski, once said that the secret to a happy life is taking baths and taking naps.  I can't disagree.  Blanche is a professional bath taker.  She takes several baths during the process of the play and sings while doing this because it is a true place of joy for her.

I am very thankful to yet another fantastic friend who gave me Lush bath products on a recent birthday.  These fun, smelly, bubbly, fizzy bath things have come in quite handy to keep me sane this winter.  Thank you, Friend!

I digress.  My point is that another way of actors helping themselves, if they are into music like I am, is to make a "mix tape" of songs that have lyrics that apply to our character's given circumstances. 

So far now, for my Blanche "tape," I have:
Say It's Only A Paper Moon (Mr. Williams actually put that in the older script for her to sing)
the Hole song as mentioned above
a rhumba song, perhaps Xavier Cugat
Blue Piano
Good Night Ladies
Varsouviana



What can you add?  Thanks.

#3 Just The Facts, Miss...

Okay.  I am officially preread and highlighted.  A friend questioned the tone of orange in which I used, so I will share that it is a more muted-almost peachy orange.  It's not construction zone orange...but my script, now highlighted, could easily pass for a S.E.C. football game.  It is a sea of orange.  Nearly every letter is coated with color.  I was paging through it after highlighting and realized that it's a good thing I already have the script.  This will be a beast to memorize. 

The facts....the facts.  My third step in this process is to become Character Actress, P.I.  (cue the Magnum, Inspector Gadget, or Sherlock Holmes theme).  It is now my job to fish through the entire script to find out the facts about Blanche as well as the opinions that are held toward her and she toward herself at any given moment.  Having a Tennessee Williams character makes this part of the process relatively easy if not overwhelmingly so.  Nearly all his characters wear their hearts on their sleeves and they generally get around to letting each other know what they think of each other if not within the first moments of a scene.

I am also developing a time-line for her as well.  It helps to know what happened in her life and when prior to the moments in this play...and it is fun to imagine (well, not in Blanche's case) what happens afterward.  She makes it clear how she would like for it to end.  It is helpful to and fun to fill in the blanks between events prior to the moments in the play as well.  It is a very helpful and creative process!  I am finding what is called her 'given circumstances.'

There are a number of things actors do at this point.  I have had the privilege to be directed by, work with, and study under some pretty wonderful folks.  So,  what I am doing for Blanche is based on years of experience and shared knowledge.  There is no really tried and true method we use...the more you do it, the more you figure out what is right for you.  I will be honest and tell you that I don't do this for every character I play, but Blanche requires it, demands it, and deserves it.

Any suggestions are warmly welcomed!

#2 Highlights

I have a new best friend.

Yes.  When an actor receives a part in a show, it is a very special moment...a punctuation moment...the first time a crispy fresh script is placed in their hands.  There is an unspoken claim to ownership of a role at this moment.  Variables become hard, tangible facts and there is no turning back.

Last night, I had my "receiving the script" moment.  Being an actor and a fan of Tennessee Williams, I naturally already had an old copy of the script that, as you already know, I have been rereading since landing Blanche just two days ago.  It was safe for me to read from that script.  I had used it in workshops or just leisure.  But, now I have MY script...the script for this play that I am going to be performing in under two months.  It will become quickly aged and worn like that favorite pair of jeans in a matter of weeks.

Like I said before, I find it worthwhile to read the script a few times as a whole prior to thinking about what your character may be feeling or how they may move or how they may speak.  This has always been an exercise of self control on my part because it is very, very easy for me to hear voices.  :) 

Having finished my prereads, this script now needs to be highlighted.  Most actors highlight what their characters say in the play to aid in memorization.  I do this.  I am a weirdo because I highlight different characters different colors.  I reserve my pink highlighting for the kinds of characters who have some sort of love interest, yellow for small parts...blue for...well, you get the picture.

Then there is orange.  I have always reserved orange for my special roles.  My extra big juicy characters.  I've only had a handful, actually, since I generally do the funny characters.  So, it is decided.  Blanche Dubois will be orange.

An Actress Gets A Part

Something very surprising has happened on our little rock which floats around the sun.  In a little town on the outskirts of a major city in a very small theatre, a very short person read for Blanche Dubois.  It was a sort of random thing that has turned into something very, very special.

Only last week, a lovely friend sent me an invite to audition for the legendary "A Streetcar Named Desire" two hours prior to the audition.  I was on my way to take a child to a dance class on a rare day when my only job was taxi to my youth.  I decided to go regardless of my casual appearance and embarrassing unpreparedness for such an activity.  Naturally, being a short brunette, I thought I would give a shot at trying out for Stella.  By the end of the audition, all the ladies were given the opportunity to read a monologue of Blanche's.  Something happened there.  I'm not sure what.  I was called back.  I then read for both Blanche and Stella.

Soon, I receive a phone call with the question, "We would like for you to play Blanche.  Will you accept the role?"  My tongue tied.  I was speechless.  I was told to get back ASAP with a decision.

Nearly a day, a few wonderful conversations with some fantastic professionals in the field, and some sitter organizing; I did it.  I took on Blanche.  I have created this blog to track this amazing process.

Most actresses consider Blanche as "IT" for best roles of all time.  Having been an actor (professional and not) for years, I honestly never saw myself in her shoes.  I have actually always wanted to play Stella and have in a workshop or two.  I have watched other...waif-like and tall take shot after shot at Blanche.  I am not that type...so I never gave much time to consider it an option.

Today, I reread the play.  The forward by Tennessee Williams in my copy is tremendous.  He speaks of being burned and disillusioned by the success of The Glass Menagerie and how his working titled, The Poker Game became Streetcar. 

Blanche has a lot of things to say, so I will get back to studying the script for now.  I am planning on reading it completely at least four more times before I do anything to develop my Blanche.  A wise teacher or someone famous once said to read a script at least three times impartial to your character.  It's a good rule.  You get a grasp of what your part is and what it means and where it should be and when by doing this.

Please let me know of your Tennessee Williams experience.  I am very excited to share!